Once Upon A Time
by pancakesareking
Summary: Yaoi[JoeyxSeto]Joey Wheeler is a hot headed punk with sticky fingers. His only chance of staying out of jail is bringing up his grades. Seto Kaiba, prep extraordinaire, is the only one smart enough for the job. Detail and minor pairing inside.[Finished.]
1. Sad Peter Pan

Ciao, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Otogi/Serenity 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** [I claim this plot, and I'm dreadfully sorry if someone thought of it before me. I know it's all cliché and shit for the whole Seto tutoring Joey, but this is going to be different.] The boys are sixteen, which means they are juniors in high school. Just humor me and let this take place in America [most likely New York], because neither Joey nor Kaiba look the least bit Japanese anyway and I just so happen to understand American culture better than Japanese. There might be some OC's in the forms of cops and principles and whatnot. So please, just go with the flow.  

That having been said, enjoy the story. 

_::It's the plan of most_

_To discover that magnificent ghost_

_When did I get perverted_

_And my innocent eyes diverted from the view so grand_

_Imbued with distractions_

_I'm greedy like Senior Babbitt _

_I'm just chasing that electric rabbit_

_I'm a reluctant rebel_

_I just want to be Aaron Neville _

_With a crown on my head_

_And my denim shirt all dark with sweat_

_I'm just pushing the paint around_

_On advice from your lying mouth_

_You touched me and then you ran_

_And left a sad Peter Pan_

All alone and awkward 

_But a transformation, I swear it will occur.::_

--Sad Peter Pan by the Smashing Pumpkins

*****Once Upon A Time*****

The sun hadn't even risen when Joey woke up, and he had a strict policy involving consciousness and sunshine. If the sun wasn't up, then neither was he. Still, Malik Ishtar had selective hearing, and never really heard the important part of the rules involved with sleeping over at the Wheeler apartment. And Malik never really reminded Joey that he was a violent sleeper. Hey, nobodies perfect.

Joey let out a string of curses as his head collided with the wood floor. 

Had there been sunshine, it wouldn't have been so bad. That way he would know if they were in danger of getting to school late. But there wasn't any sun, which created a big problem. Thrown out of his little shelter of warmth—in a still dark apartment— Joey seriously considered throwing Malik out of his apartment. Literally. 

At the moment, though, Joey was concerned with remembering what they had done the night before. He was at least assured they hadn't had sex, because he was still fully clothed, and reeking of beer. That explained why they were at his place, at least. Malik lived two floors below Joey, in an apartment with his older sister—and respected policewoman—Isis. And although Isis turned her head at most of their illegal stunts, even when inebriated, Joey and Malik knew better than to show up drunk. 

Joey took advantage of the lack of light in his room, and looked around. Surprisingly enough, nothing was broken, and everything seemed to be in place. Even his precious drum set. _Especially_ his precious drum set. Something caught his eye, though. Even in the dimness, Joey could make out a bright red form beside his drums. Malik's guitar. Which answered another question from the night before. They had been playing a gig at some party. Joey sincerely hoped he wouldn't run into whoever threw the party at school. That could be embarrassing; especially since Joey rarely drank so much he couldn't remember anything the next day. 

He did have one hell of a hangover, though. All he really knew was, Malik had better have one too, or he really would throw his pretty friend out of his apartment. First, he would have to find some secret strength hidden within to get off the floor. With his ear pressed to the floor, Joey could hear the muffled footsteps of his father, and it wasn't helping his head very much. 

Mr. Wheeler was practically nocturnal. That was the only explanation. No normal person would be up so early. At least not any normal person in their part of town. And, being a heavy drinker himself, Mr. Wheeler would be able to...empathize with Joey's pain. He could rest easy knowing they had gotten home before his father. Which left him wondering one more thing.

"What the hell time is it?"

Malik's hair, which was sticking up in several different directions, blocked his view of the alarm clock, but he could still make out a six and a three. 

"Fuck," he muttered, and worked on trying to get up. Even ten more minutes of sleep would be enough...

So help him, if he possessed hand-eye coordination so early in the day, he would have cut off Malik's wayward hair strand by strand. It would serve the pretty Egyptian right, anyway. Joey slaved over his hair, and it was still one giant mess. Malik merely touched his hair, and all was immaculate and shiny. He would probably wake up, yawn, and touch his hair, and it would fall into place magically. And... Was he jealous of Malik's _hair_?

"Must be earlier then I thought," he muttered. After a few moments, he hoisted himself back into bed. It was the hardest three minutes of hoisting of his life.

"Mm, Joey, go back to sleep."

Joey looked over in shock. He raised his arm, looked at it, and then brought it down on Malik's head as hard as possible. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Malik, shut the fuck up!" 

Malik did the exact opposite.  "MOLESTER!"

So maybe it hadn't been the smartest thing to do, but Joey wasn't known for doing the smartest thing. As soon as the words issued from the other blonde's mouth, all hell broke loose. Inside Joey's head and out. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered why Malik had called him a molester. Maybe in Egypt, touching someone's hair counted as molestation. 

Eh, Joey could barely understand American culture, so he had no hope of understanding Egypt's customs. 

Fifteen minutes later, Joey and Malik were sitting at the kitchen table, sharing a cup of coffee. Joey had put on something a little fresher (a faded tee from his dirty clothes pile and an old pair of jeans from his grunge phase) and loaned some clothes to Malik. Above them, the ceiling light flickered uncertainly. Mr. Wheeler sat across the table, rubbing his forehead while drinking from a silver flask. Joey could at least feel proud that his father could multi-task. 

"Malik, it's six a.m.," Mr. Wheeler said calmly. 

The tan boy gulped. "Yeah, I read the clock, uncle Wheeler." 

"Okay, you shut up." He turned to his son. "Joey, talk." 

'_What am I, a dog?'_

"Dad, we had a gig last night," Joey offered as way of explanation. He and Malik had a history of gigs and hangovers, and the two almost always went together. Malik decided to help out the situation. "Uncle Wheeler, we gotta get to school early today. Uh, special Monday classes and shit—stuff like that." In the other room, Joey's alarm clock went off. 

Joey nodded, and while he got his things together for school, Malik went home to get his things. As usual, they agreed to meet out in front of the apartment building. Malik took his guitar ("just throw my dirty clothes in with yours") and went home. Joey gave himself an extra ten minutes, figuring Isis would probably want to yell at Malik for a while. He spent the extra time trying to brush his hair, and having two bowls of cereal. From his flat belly, though, most people would think Joey was starved.

"Shit, I almost forgot." On his dresser sat a sloppily wrapped package that fit neatly in the palm of his hand, shoved it in his book bag—the pockets had been rendered useless on his tight pants—and ran out the door. On the bright side, he had been sober for once, and talked coherently to Joey and Malik, even if he had only said two things. 

So, the sun had finally begun to rise. Unfortunately, it began rising as soon as Joey stepped out onto the street. Malik didn't help much. He had changed into his normal clothing, which consisted of jeans and a lilac belly shirt, which matched his eyes perfectly. That wasn't the bad part. Around his neck and wrists glittered—more like blinded—numerous golden decorations. '_Damn Egyptians_' Joey thought angrily, wishing he had taken more aspirin. 

"Hey, flamer," he called, grinning when Malik looked over. He had also added his customary makeup, as Joey called it, which was really only eyeliner that Malik swore was customary in Egypt. Isis wore her makeup the same way, which didn't help Malik's argument, since Isis was a woman, and women were the ones who were _supposed_ to wear makeup. Joey was guilty of wearing makeup, though. 

Malik growled, breaking Joey out of his pre-trip down memory lane. 

"I'm not a flamer!" Malik flipped his hair behind his shoulder and began walking with Joey. 

"Fine. You're slightly...flamboyant." 

"Yeah, well you look like a dog. A big, ugly, dog," Malik quipped.

 Joey _hated_ being compared to dogs. Why did every single person he met think he looked like a dog? "Pretty boy."

"Homo."

"Oh my god, you're gayer than me!" Joey quickly forgot the dog comment, and decided on playful banter.

 Malik practically shoved him into the street. "Am not!" 

"Malik, your eyes are _purple_. You were born to be gay."

"They're lilac, you uncultured heathen."

"I rest my case." 

They managed to get to school headache free, with only a slight amount of bickering. Malik had home economics first ("Flamer."), and Joey had math, so they parted ways at the entrance. Besides, Joey had someone to meet up with. 

Unfortunately, his math teacher had other plans. Just as Joey was walking by the classroom, with a good twenty seconds before the bell rung, the older man's hand grabbed Joey's arm and yanked him into the classroom. 

"What's the big idea? I did my homework, you know," Joey lied. 

His teacher laughed. "No, Mr. Mouto wants to speak with you." 

"And this is important because..." Joey didn't like the principal. 

"Because you'll be missing the first ten minutes of class, in which I will be collecting the homework you didn't do." 

Joey laughed nervously; really, how did his teacher's _always_ know? "Oh...okay." 

As he walked down the hall, Joey tried weighing in his head which was worse, math class or a visit to the principals office. Mr. Mouto wasn't one of those clichéd fear-inducing principals—on the contrary. The four-foot tall man was a delight to the rest of the student body. It was his clone of a grandson Joey hated. Little Yugi Mouto was a royal pain in the ass, and happened to be the apple of every damn person in the schools eye. Well, except Joey, Malik, and a handful of other people. Still, it was like Yugi was some sort of magical leprechaun or something. 

The secretary looked up, her gray hair bobbing on top of her head. "Mr. Wheeler?" 

Joey nodded. "Yeah. Will the doctor see me in now?" The woman looked at him, fear clear on her face. "Young man, this is a principals office." Joey didn't have any time to ask what the hell she was talking about, when the phone began ringing, and the old woman waved him into the office. Joey barely caught the muttered, "Damn teenagers on drugs."

He would have replied, but Mr. Mouto was waving him in. Joey would bet anything that the principal was sitting on a stack of phonebooks. After all, his head was actually visible over his desk. Joey sauntered forward and plopped gracelessly into one of the purple chairs. Purple and black were the school colors. Personally, Joey wouldn't have picked purple chairs in his office if he had purple owl eyes like Mr. Mouto. Come to think of it, that was probably why the man got the job in the first place. 

"So, what do you want?"  Joey glared at the Mr. Mouto defiantly. It was too early in the morning to be having a private conference, especially since Joey hadn't done anything...well, not that he could remember doing, anyway. "I have to finish my math homework before the teach takes it up." Lie. He really just wanted to give Serenity her gift.

Behind his desk, Mr. Mouto huffed, before calming down and adopting a calm look once more.

"Well, err, Officer Ishtar called, and we had a little chat." Mr. Mouto had the biggest, purplest eyes Joey had ever seen. Seriously. They were like, mesmerizing, and other nice adjectives of the sort. Malik had beautiful eyes and all, but they weren't all big and _round_ like Principal Mouto's. Joey peered down at the purple chair, then back at the principal. Weird. "Are you listening to me, Mr. Wheeler?" 

Nope. "Yeah." Joey felt his eyelids lower, a surefire way to look completely disinterested. "So, Isis called. What did you two chat about? Anything good?" 

Principal Motou smiled, pleased that Joey was paying attention. All of his teachers had complained the boy was a slacker. 

"We were discussing your grades, and came upon an agreement. I'm familiar with the situation between you and officer Ishtar, and—"

"You don't know nothing" Joey exploded suddenly. Inside, he was cursing Isis. She always, _always_ had to try so hard to make things easier for Joey. And just because her younger brother was Joey's best friend didn't mean anything! He shook his head and said, "Look, Mr. M, get to the point so I can get back to class. Teach doesn't like it when I don't do my homework." 

"I apologize if I offended you, Mr. Wheeler, but do remember I am in charge." The small man huffed once more and ran a hand through his graying hair. So maybe Wheeler _was_ a problem child. As much as Mr. Mouto hated stereotypes, students like Joey always caused the most problems. "The agreement is this: your grades are falling rapidly, and your state tests came back scored poorly. There are four months left until summer vacation, of which I'm sure you're very pleased." The small smile Joey offered was answer enough, "But those four months are all you have to keep from failing. Now, I don't know if you're familiar with Seto Kaiba or not, but he had been assigned as your tutor. Every weekday for—"

"No way!" he yelled. "I'm not going nowhere near that bastard!" That was pretty clever, implying that Joey knew of Seto Kaiba. Of _course_ he'd hear of Kaiba. He was only the richest, preppiest, and smartest junior in school. That, and Serenity had at one point had a crush on him, before realizing what a jerk he was. 

The whole country probably knew about the icy genius, for Christ's sake! After all, Kaiba acted like he owned the school, so he wouldn't be surprised. That and he was the CEO of some big computer company. So maybe he kind of did own the school. So caught up in his horrible epiphany, Joey didn't notice the principal was talking to him.

"I'm afraid you have no choice, Mr. Wheeler. It's that or the state juvenile camp. You will be given a test every month to review the material you will be learning, and if you have a B average in every class when the last report card is issued, the shoplifting charges will be lifted."  Principle Mouto took a deep breath. "You're father has approved of the idea, as well." 

"Was he sober?" Joey asked bitterly. No doubt Principle Motou felt sorry for him, and Joey Wheeler did not need pity, nor did he want it. The old man probably looked down on him anyway. He really had to learn to control the whole sober comeback every time someone mentioned his father. With his big mouth, the whole school probably new his dad was an alcoholic.

He crossed his arms and stared down at his Nirvana shirt in silence. Rips and tears lined his skintight jeans. Joey knew that was why so many people sneered at him in the hallway, that and because he was poor. 

Those rich bastards couldn't accept that they were the ones draining the economy. Like Seto fucking Kaiba. There was no reason for the almighty Kaiba to help a lowlife like Joey. Unless, of course, the bastard was going to be expecting something in return. Something like a beautiful, sweet sophomore who happened to be Joey's little sister.

When Joey lifted his large brown eyes again, Principle Mouto was staring back in open sympathy, unaware that Joey had already moved on from the whole dad issue. "Mr. Wheeler, as you know, I do not judge students based on their parents behavior, and I would like to say—" 

Joey had had enough. He wanted to see Serenity. The chair slid back as he stood. Before he left the room, he turned and smirked over his shoulder. "Save your bullshit for someone else, Mr. M. Tell Kaiba to call me."  In a falsetto voice, he added, "I'll be waiting by the phone!" 

Mr. Mouto didn't answer. 

For the first time in his life, Joey Wheeler actually regretted shoplifting. 

**********  

Okay, that was chapter one. Leave me a review, let me know what you think. Next chapter should be up tomorrow sometime. 

WOOO! Sorry for any typos. Let me know. The whole typing process was really weird and awkward, and it's almost 1 AM. So, uh...yeah. 

The review haiku, by xpennyroyalx:

Click, precious readers

Under swaying trees of green

The button awaits a click


	2. All My Problems

Hello, hello.

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Otogi/Serenity 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously.

**Author's Notes: **I'm not sure how long this story is going to be, but I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible, which means it can take a pretty long damn time, okay? In this chapter, I'm going to try for Kaiba and Joey to actually meet one another. [Oh, and before, I had forgotten about Mai. She will be a punk in this story, and a close friend of Joey's. I doubt she'll have any steady relationships, so don't count on that. This will not evolve into a yuri, that I know of, though Mai will be bisexual. Almost every punk rock girl I know will go both ways, my friends.] 

::_By now_

_I should have been somewhere_

_Or gone to school, or fixed my hair_

_Back down_

_Tell it to someone else_

_Who gives a shit and needs your help_

_Cause I found_

_What I needed_

_And I don't need you to tell me how you feel_

_And if I fall_

_You are not the one that has to cope and deal_

_All my problems are for me_

_My god_

_Look at his tattoos and those earrings_

_He could never get _

_A good job_

_Go home and beat your kids_

_So they don't turn out as bad as me_

_Cause I found_

_What I needed_

_And I don't need you to tell me how you feel_

_And if I fall_

_You are not the one that has to cope and deal_

_All my problems are for me_

_I don't need your eyes to see_

_I will be what I will be_

_Stop coming around cause you bother me_

_Stupid motherfucker pull your head out your ass and see_

_What don't you get, was I stuttering_

_I don't need to take your shit get away from me._::

                             --All My Problems, Smile Empty Soul

Chapter 2:

*****All of My Problems*****

When Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler had divorced, their children had no choice who they were to go with. Were it up to them, Joey and Serenity would have found a rather large box and made a home of it together. Mrs. Wheeler hadn't offered so much as a goodbye as she drug Joey's little sister out of the apartment, and out of his life. 

For five years they hadn't seen each other, staying in contact with secret letters and phone calls. Then Serenity turned fourteen, and joined her sophomore brother at high school. At first, Joey hadn't even recognized his precious baby sister. 

They finally met one day when Malik called Joey by his last name in the hallway, trying to catch up to his friend. Joey had turned at the exact same moment the lovely brunette at locker 216 had, and the two made eye contact. 

"Big brother?" Joey had recognized her immediately after she had spoken. Though she had grown a few feet—and a few other places—her voice was still melodic and sugary sweet. 

A lot of boys thought so too. And Joey may not have been there as a real brother growing up, but he was damn well protective anyway. Anytime Serenity had mentioned having a crush in one of her letters, or nice boy's from school, Joey would demand their addresses. 

The crush on Kaiba had been a first week sort of thing, wherein Serenity saw the stoic boy strutting down the hall. Through a rather complex grapevine, Joey got news of his sister's crush on the icy junior. Joey had not been pleased.

Appearance wise, he could see why Serenity had liked Kaiba. Hell, even Joey had to admit Kaiba was hot. Which had _nothing_ to do with why he hated Serenity having a crush on him; Seto Kaiba could afford anything in the world, but he did not deserve someone like Serenity Wheeler.

Plus, Joey thought, Serenity Kaiba was a really sucky name. 

Serenity was the only prep Joey could honestly claim to like. Their mother was the one who actually made money, and gladly spent it all on her precious daughter. Joey didn't really care though, as long as he got to see his little sister. It didn't matter what kind of clothes she wore, what kind of music she listened to, and who her friends were; Serenity Wheeler would always be the apple of Joey's eye.

Everyone loved Serenity, though. The younger Wheeler sibling had an extreme sense of compassion, and her pretty face helped her along nicely. Also, there was nothing superficial about her; Joey couldn't say the same for her best friend Tea. That was a completely different story though.

As for Joey and Serenity, their large, brown, puppy-like eyes were the only things the two had in common. Most people didn't even put two and two together, the whole same last name thing, when they saw Joey in the school halls. With his ruffled blond hair and famous scowl, even Joey wouldn't think he was the older brother of the sweet sophomore Serenity. Plus, Malik told him Serenity had better fashion sense than Joey. 

Deep down, Joey knew that was true. As he leant against the lockers near the lunchroom, Joey tossed his head so his hair covered his eyes. Sometimes, he really hated himself when he thought of Serenity, and couldn't help but wonder if she would be such a good person if she and Joey had grown up together.

And that was so not a tear in his eye, damn it. 

"Joey!" 

The blonde's head snapped up at the sound of his best friends voice. With his usual flair, Malik sauntered down the hall, hips swaying gently. Joey was amused to see some girls who hung out in the hallway staring at his friends' ass.  

"Hurry it up," he called, "I'm starvin'!" 

Malik's snorted. "Joey, you'd be starving after a four-course meal."

"Where would I get a four-course meal, wiseass?" 

"Maybe Santa will bring you one for Christmas." His lilac eyes glittered in amusement.

"Hey, that would make a cool song." Joey cocked his head to the side. "Santa Clause and four-course meals." 

As Joey pushed himself off of the lockers, Malik smirked at him. "Leave the songwriting to those of us who can actually spell, Joey." 

"Why you—!" Malik giggled and leapt out of harms way.

Together, they walked into the cafeteria.  

 Lunch was set up to accommodate the vastly overpopulated school. First lunch—which came directly after second class—was for juniors and sophomores. Second lunch was freshman, third was for seniors. What with Joey's large appetite, he was glad to be a junior. Especially after only two bowls of cereal for breakfast.

Malik threw his arm around Joey's shoulder. "So what did small, pale, and ugly want?" Malik was known for his...dislike for the principal. Most of his school time was spent making jokes about the short principal...and helping the janitorial staff. Malik was also known for his obsession with cleaning.

Joey gave Malik a _look_. "Isis gave Mr. M. a call, and instead of being arrested, I just have to bring my grades up."

"Doesn't sound so bad." Malik studied his best friend face closely. He chose to ignore the mention of his sister. 

Joey kept giving the look. The 'this-should-be-obvious' look.

Malik took the hint. "So...why do you look so pissed?" 

There was a short, dramatic pause.

 "Seto Kaiba is going to be my tutor," Joey finally growled, unconsciously making himself look more like a puppy.

"..._The_ Seto Kaiba?" 

"Are there any other Seto Kaiba's running around school?"

Malik chuckled. "You never know with him."

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm going to find out." The lunch line had died down, as it usually did near the end of lunch. There were still twenty minutes, as far as Joey knew. 

He reached into his pocket, snarling when it came out empty. His pockets were the only place he kept spare change and lunch money—he must have forgotten to ask his dad for a few dollars. 

And those gooey pizzas's looked so appetizing. 

Beside him, Malik's hand came out empty as well. "That really sucks about Kaiba. I'll talk to Isis if you want..." His voice was sympathetic, but his lilac eyes were glittering in amusement. 

Joey flicked him in the head, smirking when the smaller blond yelped. 

Malik's eyes narrowed at him, before he took to pouting. In the most mature fashion he could accomplish, Joey stuck his tongue out at his best friend. "You're 'little talks' with Isis are what got me into this mess!" 

"Are not!" 

"Are too!" Malik yanked on one of Joey's earrings. He didn't let go, even as Joey began whimpering. 

"Say uncle," Malik purred, tugging gently. It only made him chuckle when Joey growled. Sometimes, Joey acted exactly like a dog. 

"Uncle, uncle!" 

Malik grinned smugly. After a second of staring hard at something, he cried, "Hey, there's Serenity!"

Joey looked up and smiled at the sight of his sister laughing with her friends across the lunchroom. 

Not wanting to embarrass her, Joey refrained from yelling out her name. Instead, he embarrassed Malik instead, by dragging him across the lunchroom. 

 Serenity, who was taking a bite from her sandwich, looked up saw Joey and waved at him.  

Beside Serenity sat Tea, head cheerleader and resident crush of the young man next to her, Yugi Mouto. The small sophomore's relation to the principal was easy to spot—they were the same height and had the same owlish eyes. Even their hair was shaped similarly, which was really freaky, in Joey's opinion. 

Once she had swallowed properly, Serenity offered a sweet smile to Joey. 

Just as he was going to greet his sister with a hug, he saw _him_. Icy blue eyes were focused on him, and only him. To tell the truth, it was fucking creepy. 

Doing his best to ignore Kaiba, Joey enveloped Serenity in a bear hug. His sister returned the embrace, giggling as she did so. Then she reached into her lunchbox and pulled out a second sandwich, cut in two triangles down the middle.

Joey accepted it with a loud "thanks, sis," and inspected it. Peanut butter and jelly. His favorite. Well, one side was peanut butter and jelly; the other side was plain jelly. He handed over the jelly half to Malik, who flashed a peace sign to Serenity.

When the sandwich was gone into the depths of his digestive system, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the sloppily wrapped gift he had taken from his locker. He would have kept it in his book bag, if he weren't afraid it would break.

 Serenity opened it carefully, gasping at the gift inside. It was a perfectly sculpted kitten, only as tall as Serenity's pinky, its translucent mouth stretched open in a yawn. Serenity was a cat person if one ever existed. Sometimes, in her letters, she had mentioned her cat collection, and the feline figurines important from different countries. 

The only downside was the cat cost two hundred dollars. There had an assortment of crystal figurines in the jeweler's shop, which made it easy for Joey to steal. Two hundred was too much, even for him, which was why he stole the crystal penguin as well. He had hidden it in his most obvious pocket, the easiest place for Isis to find it. And as much as Joey hated tricking Isis like that, his little sister's happiness was worth more.

The look in her eyes was proof of that. That was pure adoration for a big brother. And to think most big brothers picked on their younger siblings.

"Joey, it's beautiful," she whispered. 

Joey bowed his head in pleased embarrassment. He heard rather than saw Malik moving forward (his jewelry was attractive _and _noisy), and when the Egyptian started praising the gift, warmth spread through Joey's cheeks. 

He went to reply, but someone beat him to it.

"Odd," interrupted the new voice, which was cold and silkly at the same time. Joey looked up and scowled. Seto Kaiba stood before him, smug and tall and painfully hot. It really was too bad his personality sucked ass. 

"What's odd?" Joey's teeth ground together. Damn that preppy bastard! Couldn't Kaiba see he was just trying to spend some time with his sister?

Obviously not. "I saw the police apprehend a mutt that looked just like you, nefariously close to the jewelry store." 

Heat flooded Joey's cheeks, in a totally different sort of embarrassment from the kind before. He didn't mind being reminded he was poor, and he didn't care that people knew he had a history of shoplifting, but he did not want his sister thinking lowly of him. Joey couldn't stand it if Serenity thought he was a bad person. 

Serenity, at the moment, had her head bowed, eyes on her gift. "Please, Kaiba, don't." A pink blush bloomed on her cheeks. Joey had never seen his sister looking so uncomfortable, and Kaiba had made her that way. 

"Stupid fucking son of a bitch," Joey said loudly, attracting the attention of half the cafeteria. From the corner of his eyes, Joey could see Principal Motou frowning at him. 

The blond really couldn't bring himself to care, though. Even as Malik tugged on his arms, he continued half-yelling. "You can talk as much shit about me as you damn well please, but don't fucking do it in front of my baby sister!" 

Seto stared back at him coolly. "Watch your language, mutt, I wouldn't want to hear Serenity talking in such a manner."

"Bastard," Joey spat. Kaiba began clapping softly, and smirked. "Very good, Wheeler, now we know you've got a vocabulary of less than twenty words. Good thing I'm going to teach you math _and_ English, isn't it?" Just as Joey though it was over, Kaiba finished with, "Oh, and I got your message. I'll call you tonight."

'_He's the reason I hate preps,_' Joey thought angrily. And just how the hell did Seto know about the jeweler's? No cars had been around until Isis showed up. That was really fucking creepy. 

With a sardonic grin, Joey placed his hands over Serenity's ears and began speaking louder. "Yeah, see you after school, sweetheart. I'll be in the library waiting in our usual spot. Don't forget the condoms this time!"

A twitch in Kaiba's forehead was the only outward sign there was any emotional turmoil on the inside. Ha fucking ha, Joey thought. 

A quick kiss to Serenity's cheek was his goodbye, before Malik dragged him out of the lunchroom. He cracked a joke about loving it when Malik was the aggressor, regretting it when his short friend shoved him up against the wall outside in the hallway. 

"You know who Seto Kaiba is?" Oh, Malik had his paranoid look on. "He's a millionaire, Joey! He can snap, and bodyguards will jump out of the helicopter he keeps hidden behind the equipment shed."

"I know you don't believe those rumors!" 

Defensively, Malik cried, "of course not!" A pause, then, "And besides, you're the one who told me the rumors." 

"...Did not."

The bell rang, and Malik took Joey's distraction to his advantage. "So where did you hear those rumors, anyway?"

With a shrug, the taller boy answered, "Eh, around I guess...what the—you tricked me!" He turned to flick Malik again, but the other boy was already running down the hall, his laughter lingering in the hallway. 

Joey sighed and looked at his watch. Two hours until Kaiba Time. "Damn."

**********************  

Okay, here is chapter two. Chapter three, Malik and Ryou meet (YAY!), and Joey and Kaiba have their first lesson, which does not go well. At all.

At least, I think that's what happens next chapter. *shrug* I'm just making it all up as I go along. Which isn't so good at 1 in the morning. If I repeat information from previous chapters at any point in the story, I apologize. 

So, reviews, yes? I was so surprised to get so many. I mean, I know 6 isn't a lot or anything, but it still made me happy. 

I would do shout-outs, but I'm not good with that sort of thing. 

Maybe next time, though. How does one go about the shouting out?

WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! 

HARDCORE COOL THING

WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! 

…. Would you just _look_ that review button? It's so...symmetrical. Well, now that I've got you're attention on it, click it. 


	3. London Calling

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Otogi/Serenity 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes: **I'm hoping to have this chapter go as follows: Malik stumbles upon Ryou, a pretty new foreign exchange student and lays on some heavy flirting. Just when he gets his new 'friend' to open up a little, Kaiba comes and gives Malik a reason to hate the CEO as much as Joey does. It's a clichéd battle in the making; the prep's want Ryou, but so do the punks. What does Ryou want? That I can't tell you, because this is a Joey/Seto story. Duh. Oh, and, British slang will be used. Ask me if you need to know what anything means.

::_London calling to the faraway towns_

_Now that war is declared-and battle come down_

_London calling to the underworld_

_Come out of the cupboard, all you boys and girls_

_London calling, now don't look at us_

_All that phoney Beatlemania had bitten the dust_

_London calling, see we ain't go no swing_

_'Cept for the ring of that truncheon thing._

_The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in_

_Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin_

_A nuclear error, but I have no fear_

_London is drowning-and I live by the river._

London calling to the imitation zone 

_Forget it brother, an' go it alone_

_London calling upon the zombies of death_

_Quit holding out-and draw another breath_

_London calling-and I don't wanna shout_

_But when we were talking-I saw you nodding out_

_London calling, see we ain't go no highs_

_Except for that one with the yellowy eyes_

_Now Get this_

_London calling, yeah, I was there, too_

_An' you know what they saw? Well, some of it was true!_

_London calling at the top of the dial_

_After all this, won't you give me a smile?_

_I never felt so much a' like._::

Chapter three: 

*****London Calling***** 

Fifteen minutes before getting lost, Ryou was sure he knew where he was going. After all, upon his arrival in his new home, his father had insisted they look around the school. 

Somehow, in the two days since his move, the loo (or, err, restrooms) and the art room had been switched around, and the cafeteria had replaced the gym. It was a very confusing experience for the British boy, who really just wanted to find the theatre class. Honestly. 

"Where in the bloody hell is the auditorium?" Ryou didn't mind talking to himself; it was a perfectly normal thing to do back home.

Which reminded him he wasn't home. Which depressed him. Which led to a moment of self-pity, before he tired of the cause and effect atmosphere in the hallway. America did funny things to people, of that he was sure. Oh yes, of that he was sure. 

It didn't really take long to find, and Ryou felt like a total fool when, upon his third rotation through the school, looked up and saw the 'AUDITORIUM' sign above the door, nearly touching the ceiling. Bloody well figured, anyway. Couldn't be normal, Ryou figured, and put the sign somewhere like oh, say, _beside_ the door. 

He had been ready to storm into the room, which was completely unlike him, but froze when his hand touched the door. What if the other children made fun of him? Of his snowy white hair and large brown eyes? Oh dear lord. 

But what better way to prove his bravery than to just march into class and stun the rest of the students with his British intellect. Yeah, right. Ryou always got a C in drama, because he wasn't good at it, and he wasn't good in front of people. 

Which was why at the last minute, he decided to tiptoe into the large area. And, to be quite frank, he was blown off his British ass by the boy singing on stage. 

The albino boy had to squint to even make sure it was a boy at first. With longish golden hair, and a thin body (which showed off with a shirt that didn't come close to reaching his pants), and the most amazing voice Ryou had ever heard, it was no wonder Ryou could have mistaken him for a girl. After all, people mistook Ryou for a girl all of the time.

And that boy's voice! It was like an angel or something. And if Ryou wasn't mistaken—he had very good eyesight—the boy had lilac eyes. 

If Ryou had to do a swooning scene any time in the near future, he had a feeling he could pull it off quite well. He could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks, as he stood in the center of the aisle watching the boy from nearly 50 feet away.

To the boy's left—stage-right? Ryou could never remember—was a blond girl wearing a leather miniskirt and an attractive pout. Her red silk blouse matched the red sunglasses on her face, and had Ryou been straight, he would have been gawking at her. 

"The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in

Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin

A nuclear error, but I have no fear

London is drowning-and I live by the river," sang the boy. 

"Okay, Malik, good job," the teacher—Ryou assumed the middle-aged woman was the teacher—told the boy, who smiled and leapt off stage. He walked towards the front row of seats, singing in a mocking voice, "I'm better than Mai, I'm better than..." 

Oh, drat. Lavender eyes met brown, and Malik froze. A huge grin spread across his face. "Hey teach, we got a new student!" 

Ryou couldn't bring himself to like the boy as much when his announcement caused twenty-some pairs of eyes to focus on him. Blush was 100% back in residence on Ryou's pale cheeks. Double drat. 

"H-hello, my name is Ryou...?" 

The teacher clasped her hands together and smiled. She couldn't be older than fifty, as far as Ryou could tell, and looked to be a very sweet woman. "Hello, Ryou! I'm Mrs. O'Dell. Where are you from, sweetheart?" 

Ryou walked forward, a gentle smile on his face. "London."

Malik grinned, enchanted already by the fey creature standing in a beam of light. "Hey, we're doing a play on London. I bet you'd be _great_ as the lead role." 

"I apologize...I'm not much for…" he waved his hands around vaguely and finished meekly, "theatrics." Ryou was very much embarrassed by the disappointed look on Malik's face. Closer now, he could see how tan he was. Exotic, really. 

"Oh, that's alright dear. I've had more than a handful of students who came into my class shy, and made it to Broadway eventually," Mrs. O'Dell said sweetly. 

Malik chuckled, and Ryou looked back to him. "That's what we like to call dramatization. So..." He stretched languidly, showing off even more skin, "you been shown around the school already?" 

Oh, dear. If Ryou didn't know any better, he would think Malik was flirting with him. But that was preposterous! 

"Err, yes," when Malik frowned he added, "but I managed to forget everything. Give me a tour?" 

Malik shivered. That British accent was...tasty. And there was no harm in flirting with the boy, since he looked like he could be...Malik paused—into the blokes, was it? Excitedly, he turned to Mrs. O and so Ryou couldn't see him, mouthed, 'please!' 

"Can I, Fran?" 

The older woman winked at him and nodded. "Sure, just don't get lost in any closets." 

Ryou blinked. Was she teasing? No matter, he though, as Malik whisked him right back out of the room he had spent so long finding. In his confused state, he still managed to drop his knapsack on the floor before following the exotic Malik. 

And suddenly, he was back to square one, alone in the hallway. But this time, he was alone with an unbearably handsome boy. Oh, dear.

Malik was handling the situation a little bit better.

'_Oh, shit. OH, SHIT!_' He got an adrenaline rush just from _looking_ at the guy. That hadn't happened since...ever! Sure, there had been flings and short relationships, but those feelings were nothing compared to the ones he got from Snow White over there.  

They walked in silence for a while, Malik pointing out the most important spots (i.e. lunchroom, bathroom, janitorial closets). Ryou smiled throughout the tour, nodded politely and laughing at all the right times. Dear lord, the boy was perfect! 

"And this," Malik said proudly, "Is the courtyard. It used to be a dump, with trash and shit everywhere, but me and Keith, the janitor, cleaned it all up!"

He had every reason to be proud. The grass was vibrant green, and the art club had painted the six picnic tables in the smallish area. The only downside was the two classrooms surrounding it; it was impossibly easy for teachers to spy on any activity. Both rooms were on either side of the door from the hallway, and the other side of the square courtyard was open space, leading out towards the football fields. 

Ryou sucked in a breath. "It's not bad." 

Well, that was a figurative slap to Malik's ego. "It's not bad? NOT BAD?" 

"Did I say something wrong?" 

Malik didn't know. "I don't know." He pouted. Damn their cultural barrier! He'd have to freshen up on his English when he got home; Isis had spent a summer in England once, so she could teach him. "Did you say something nice?" 

"Well of course I did!" It couldn't be going worse. Malik had the pretty boy all alone, and they didn't even speak the same language. Literally! 

"Oh, this isn't going well." Malik ran a hand through his hair in a pissed off motion. "Know what? I didn't even introduce myself. I'm Malik Ishtar, the most beautiful Egyptian in New York." 

The first emotion Ryou comprehended was shock. "You...That's fascinating!" 

Malik blushed, and then frowned. Really, why couldn't the courtyard be fascinating too? Then he realized Ryou was touching his jewelry. "I'm...just being arrogant, you know...my sister's prettier than me, and she lives here too."

Ryou laughed, a light melodic sound. "No, no...My father recently finished several digs in Egypt. I knew you weren't American, but Egyptian...you look nothing like the rest of the Egyptians!" It really was fascinating, such a beautiful creature, from such a sandy country. Malik must have shined like a jewel amongst the rest of his people. 

"Yeah, my sister likes to rub that in my face. And hey, you don't exactly look British!"

Ryou looked affronted. He felt so too, and asked in unrestrained shock, "Why ever not? Do I...oh, bullocks, it's my hair, isn't it?" Self-pity nestled in his brain. "Oh, all of the children just _loved_ making fun of it back home." 

"But why?" Malik hmm-ed, and reached a bronzed hand out and pet Ryou on the head. "Your hair is so soft, and poofy." 

Which was apparently the wrong thing to say. Enter culture barrier. An angry Ryou looked like a cherry, which led to inappropriate thoughts on Malik's part. Heh, heh. 

"Wanker!" 

Umm...THAT was unexpected, Malik thought. "That's a lie! I barely ever masturbate!" 

Ryou looked at him in some sort of disturbed fascination. "Beg your pardon?" 

"Okay." _'Count to ten and back again_,' he told himself. It was a technique Isis used often when dealing with the antics of Malik and Joey. "I think we're having a cultural misunderstanding." 

"I think you're having a cultural misunderstanding!" Ryou held up his hand, counting off on his fingers much like a child would. "First you don't accept my praise, then you call me a poof, and—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't call you _a_ poof, I said you're hair is poofy." He pushed a stubborn finger into Ryou's soft hair. "You know, fluffy? I like it." 

Oh, bullocks. "I always manage to embarrass myself somehow." Ryou motioned to his head. "So, you like my hair, then?" A shy smile adorned his lips when Malik nodded. 

"We really gotta work around the whole culture barrier, man." With his natural flare, Malik eased into his most flirtatious pose. "So, you never—"

"Ryou. What a pleasant surprise." 

Malik nearly jumped out of his skin. A new, uninvited person had arrived in _his_ courtyard, and when he turned to see who it was, he wanted to scream. Seto Kaiba stood to the side, looking immaculate as ever in a fashionable business suit and smirking at Ryou. 

Speaking of the shy British boy, he looked rather afraid. As Malik looked between them, he decided they were having a silent conversation. Kaiba stayed smug, and Ryou stayed afraid. It was that way for roughly two minutes. 

"So, will you be attending Yugi Mouto's party this weekend?"  Kaiba asked smoothly. His tone left no room for a no.

"Well, I had rather thought I'd—" 

Kaiba cut in quickly. "We spoke about this yesterday, Ryou. Your father and I both feel it is in your best interest for you to..." his icy blue eyes fell on Malik, and he sneered, "...make the right friends." 

"Whoa, I'm getting a Cruel Intentions vibe here," Malik said loudly. 

Kaiba ignored him. "So, I'll see you at eight?" 

"Err, well, I—" Ryou fumbled for words. Malik's heart went out to the poor guy. All British and alone, without a real friend...

So, it wouldn't hurt to help, now would it? "He'll be getting ready for me to pick him up." 

Two pairs of eyes snapped to Malik. "…Yes. Ryou's spending the night with me, and we're going to a movie Friday night. It's going to be fantastic." 

Kaiba frowned; a tight-lipped line that looked like it belonged on his face. "Well, I suppose I'll catch you on the way out of the poorhouse then, Ryou."

With that he turned and walked away, his leather duster swinging around his knees. He walked into the school, and when he disappeared from sight completely, Malik let out a large breath. 

When he turned back to speak to the British teen, he was yet again breathless. Ryou was smiling at him, a brilliant, 100-watt smile. If a smile had ever belonged on a face, it was Ryou Bakura's. 

"Look, you don't really have to come over this weekend. What he said about the poorhouse...I don't know if that's your scene." 

Ryou was still smiling when he answered softly, "Well, I...is that the bell ringing?" 

Malik swore. "Shit, I got to get home! I'll, uh, see you in drama tomorrow!" As he ran back to the doors, he called over his shoulder, "Don't forget, your book bag is still in the theatre!" 

Ryou stood in the courtyard, listening to the calls of kids glad to be out of school, still smiling. Maybe America wasn't _so_ bad.

************ 

Okay, third chapter done. I just wanted Malik and Ryou to become friends before all the shit hit the fan with Joey and Seto next chapter, because Joey's going to skip the session. Seto doesn't like being stood up.

Oooh, drama in the hizzouse! 

I am but a metaphorical flower, and your reviews are the sunshine and water. I need plentiful amounts, gentle readers. Else I might wither up and die...click, sunshine gang, keep me from withering away!


	4. Babies of the 80's

Bonjour, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Tristan/Serenity, Mokuba/Noa

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** [I decided to change the pairing because I got some ideas in this wee brain of mine, so don't worry, all will be well in the romance department.] I don't know if anyone noticed, but not even one whole day has passed since the first chapter. Weird, huh? So this chapter, is going to be different, thank God, and although I didn't want to do day by day, I feel like I need to show the animosity between Joey and Kaiba go up and down like a roller coaster! Oh, and please forgive me ahead of time for the bad stuff that is going to happen to Mai. She's the only anime female I really like, so it's seriously nothing personal. Okay, I'll stop talking now, and leave you guys to read...

_::_ _I grew up on five-alive   
And transformers and slip-n-slide   
Toy's R Us and Chuck-e-Cheeze   
Disco out and techno in   
to synthesize my favorite sin   
And here I am on my knees   
To get it back again   
  
Babies of the 80's   
Little girls in lycra shorts   
Tented beds, nerf contact sports   
My babies of the 80's   
Shout it out just one more time   
For the generation that was all mine   
  
We learned to crawl on linoleum floors   
Ronald Regan fought Star Wars   
But he'll never be Han Solo   
Students march Tienemen Square   
They took him out hey that's not fair   
Dad said it's good to be free   
As we watched from our T.V.   
  
Babies of the 80's   
Little girls in lycra shorts   
Tented beds, nerf contact sports   
My babies of the 80's   
Shout it out just one more time   
For the generation that was all mine   
  
We watched the wall fall down   
Woke up early for Bozo the clown   
MTV and Nick at Night   
And I slept for the first time   
Without the light   
without the light   
without the light   
  
(one two one two three go)   
  
My Babies of the 80's   
**Little girls in jelly shoes   
got the Ferris Bueller blues**   
My babies of the 80's   
this could be something after   
Who knew this could be something after   
Who knew this could be something after   
Who Knew.::_

--Babies of the 80's by Something Corporate

Chapter four:

*****Babies of the 80's*****

After school that day, Joey decided to be fashionably late. After all, his tutor probably invented being fashionably late (simply because he was _that_ fashionable). With his face pressed against the glass window of the library, watching Kaiba scowl at the table he had chosen, Joey decided he didn't want to be there at all. 

Maybe a day late could still constitute as fashionably late. Joey would just have to remember to wear something fashionable just in case Kaiba questioned his absence. Nothing wrong with being a smartass after all, since the key word was smart. All in all, Joey was rather pleased with his logic. 

So he caught up with Malik, who was rushing out of school like a giant dust bunny was after him. "Hey Malik, wait up!" 

The Egyptian boy stopped, and turned back. There was a giddy smile on his face, and he waited patiently for Joey to catch up to him before gushing, "I'm in love!" His excitement was short lived, however, as his face changed to his patented confused look. "Don't you have a tutoring lesson with the royal Ass today?"

Joey grinned. "Yeah, but I'm ditching." He ran a hand through his messy hair, just to have something to do with his shaking hands. For some reason, he got a huge thrill out of standing up Kaiba. Which, he decided, was really fucked up. "So, love, huh? Who's the lucky man?" 

"His name is Ryou and he's from England. Accent alert, man!" The thought of Ryou put the giddy smile right back on his face. Anyone looking at him from a distance would think he had majorly conflicting emotions. "He's so pretty, with long white hair, and this big, brown eyes, and I secretly think he's an angel fallen from heaven. But he might be coming over this weekend!" 

"Wait...Ryou Bakura? The little geek in the sweater vest?" Joey thought a moment, then added, "Who talks at dangerously low volume?" It was true, he thought defensively, when the British boy had introduced himself, Joey had to strain to hear a word he said.

Lavender eyes narrowed dangerously. "I _like_ the sweater vest." Desperate to elaborate, he blurted, "It's _cute_." Malik thought about pushing Joey out into oncoming traffic. But then, Joey was a good best friend, and why bother when he could be pushing someone like oh, say, _Seto Kaiba_ into traffic? "So since we've got this back and forth conversation going already, I have to know: Why ditch the asshole?" 

Joey laughed. "Why not, man? And since when did you change your feelings for him anyway? I thought he wasn't so bad in your book." Which was a total lie, since Malik had never offered a clear opinion on Joey's tutor. That animosity wasn't there before though, and Joey was beginning to miss the giddy grin. Sort of. 

"Since he messed with pretty angel Ryou," Malik growled.

"Uh-oh. Love triangle?" Malik was feeling possessive and it was showing. The only other time Joey had seen Malik so overprotective was when Isis had tried to take away Malik's feather duster. Which was a big no-no in the world of Malik Ishtar. 

"Yeah, right! What's Seto Kaiba got that I don't got?"

They looked at each other and grinned. 

"A million dollars." 

***** 

Seto Kaiba did not like being set up. He didn't care _what_ kind of excuse Wheeler would cook up—it was very unbussiness-like to miss a meeting. Seto was always on time for every occasion that required his attendance. However, when the other party was late, Seto would wait for thirty minutes, just in case. Traffic in New York City was hell, after all.

After an hour of no Wheeler, Kaiba was pissed. Pissed in the way he had to storm outside to his convertible, get in, and make the tires squeal just to vent his frustration. Because Kaiba was not the type to curse aloud and hit things; no, he vented in his car. His very nice leather interior car. 

He was driving normally again within ten minutes, not wanted to endanger the perfect exterior of his baby. Seto wasn't arrogant, per se, but he knew what he knew, and he knew he looked hot inside his dark blue Mustang convertible. It was a gift from his stepfather on a company merger Seto had completed, and although he loathed gifts from his stepfather, he really liked the car.

His cell phone began vibrating in his pocket. "Kaiba." He answered shortly. A childish voice greeted him on the other line.

"Hey Seto."

Seto smiled. A real smile, too. "Hello Mokuba. What's up?"

"I was so excited I just couldn't wait to tell you!" There was a short pause. "Are you sitting down?"

Seto looked around at the traffic and answered dryly, "Yes." He wasn't sure whether or not he should be wary of his little brother's giddiness. Mokuba had been known to pull some pretty odd stunts in his lifetime, which at the age of thirteen, could be really difficult living with.

"Okay. I got a haircut!" 

Which was really unexpected. "Mokuba, you haven't gotten a haircut since you were eight."

"I know!"

Seto was really afraid of the answer to his next question. "How short it is?"

There was a scuffle on the other side of the telephone, which meant Mokuba was running to find a mirror and a ruler. "Uh..." he laughed nervously. "Two inches?"

Seto was _very_ glad he was sitting down. What the hell was he supposed to say? It didn't seem to matter much, as his mansion was looming shortly in the distance. "Was there any real reason you got it cut?"

"Oh, Noa and I were walking home together," Noa was the odd little blue-haired boy from 'next door.' "And I saw this sign about cancer, and how you can donate your hair for the people who went through chemotherapy." Mokuba Kaiba, the thirteen-year-old humanitarian. "So I told Noa to go ahead home without me, and for the next hour, the lady cut my hair. I'm so glad I could help the cancer patients," he gushed.

Somewhere in the back of Seto's mind, the pride was trying to overcome the shock. Seto knew he was an asshole, but he would do anything for Mokuba. And if Mokuba was happy making other people happy, then Kaiba would be happy for him. It was an overwhelming amount of happiness. And Wheeler was out of Seto's mind completely as he pulled up to his house.

"I'm outside, Mokuba," he told his brother, "I'll be right in."

"'Kay. Bye!" Mokuba really was the cutest person Seto knew. 

When he walked inside, he was shocked to find Mokuba in the foyer. Shocked, because his little brother looked so _different_, and because little Noa from next door was already there. He was running Mokuba's hair, and staring at his friend in open adoration.

Seto rolled his eyes. It was so like Mokuba not to notice when a friend—a _boy_ friend—liked him. Liked him in a really non-platonic way. The funny thing was, Mokuba liked his friend back. A few months ago, Mokuba had admitted to liking Noa, amazingly on the same night he had told Seto he suspected he was gay. What with the way Mokuba blushed the whole time he talked about Noa, Seto didn't have to suspect anything. 

Although it might not have been the right emotion, Seto had been relieved. He had been thinking for so long about Mokuba getting married and having children. Seto wanted nothing more than to end the Kaiba line with them. 

"Hello, Mokuba. Noa." 

The teal-haired boy pulled his hand away as if stung, and smiled innocently at Seto. "Hey Seto! Check out Mokie's hair!" He ruffled said boy's hair, completely missing it as his friend blushed. Figured. 

Seto nodded, barely hearing them as he took the time to study them together. Mokuba, with his new short—and still unusually messy—black hair and big blue eyes, was nearly a head shorter than Noa. He was also a year younger, and dressed as if he had walked right out of a Pauly Shore movie in his cut-off jean shorts and green striped shirt that he covered with a orangeish jean vest. 

Noa, on the other hand, had neatly combed blue hair (Seto figured it was some sort of dye-accident gone wrong) that was the same color as his teal blue eyes, and was paler than Mokuba. And since he was a year older, and attended the private high school near Mokuba's public middle school, Noa was dressed impeccably in a gray uniform. 

They balanced each other out nicely. Grudgingly, Seto had to admit to himself that he liked Noa, even though the boy had a tendency to be a smartass.    

"So, Noa, should I have another place set at the dinner table tonight?"

Both boys blushed. "Sure. Can I spend the night, Seto? Mokuba was _supposed_ to ask you this weekend," he shot a playful glare at Mokuba and continued, "but he forgot. I've got a project I need help on, and Mokuba is gonna help."

Seto was slightly intrigued. "What sort of project?" After all, if it was anything academic, why would Noa need help from a younger boy?

"Art." Ah, a one-word explanation. It made sense, though. Seto had seen Noa's artwork, and it was certainly nothing to brag about. Fortunately, the boy already knew that.

Mokuba, on the other hand, was a child prodigy in the art department. A lot of his museum-worthy paintings were sent to various places, usually schools and hospitals, and dozens of his pieces were scattered around their home. Seto encouraged Mokuba's artistic endeavors wholeheartedly, as did Noa.

The two of them so completely and unknowingly smitten with one another only proved that opposites did attract. 

Except, Seto thought with a scowl, for he and Joey Wheeler. Apparently, they were _too_ different. The blond mutt was nothing but a burden on society, and while Seto respected the whole loving big brother routine, he did not approve of Wheeler's sticky fingers. 

"Big brother?" Seto snapped out of his brooding, and smiled down at his brother. He didn't need to be thinking of Wheeler. But he did need to put Wheeler in his place.

"Sorry, I'm just a little on edge." At the two boys' questioning looks he explained, "The mongrel I'm supposed to be tutoring stood me up. I need to call him an reschedule our missed lesson." 

Mokuba blinked. "Oh. Well, can Noa spend the night?"

Seto shrugged in a very un-Seto way. "Yes. Oh, damn." He snapped his fingers, a smirk on his face. Thankfully, he was facing away from his brother. "I gave the servants the day off, so no one will be able to prepare a spare bedroom. You don't mind sharing a bed with Mokuba, do you Noa?"

He could practically hear the blush in the boy's voice when he stuttered, "N-no, not that all..."

With a curt nod, Seto excused himself and went to find the nearest phone, which happened to be in the kitchen. He pulled the piece of paper Mr. Mouto had given him with the mutt's number, and dialed. 

After several rings, a thickly accented and familiar voice answered, "Hello?"

"Wheeler."

There was a loud growl on the other line. "I'm hanging up."

An awkward silence loomed between them. It was probably more awkward for Joey, since Kaiba really didn't mind waiting so long. "Does it always take this long for you to complete your actions, Wheeler?"

Joey answered with a meek, but challenging, "You were sposed to say something dramatic and make me want to not hang up."

'_Oh, come on_,' Seto thought, '_is he for real_?' "Yes, well, excuse me for not reading my script. I couldn't help but notice you weren't at our tutoring session today."

"And?" 

"I'm guessing you got a little thrill from it, you little punk, but I don't like being stood up. So, I have a proposition."

"One of those words you should use at the end of a sentence?"

If Wheeler was joking, Seto was really not amused. Honestly, the boy seemed completely serious. "No, you mutt, a deal. Only this is not so much a deal as it is if you don't do what I say, a cop of whom you have no personal relations with will appear at your doorstep at the snap of my fingers."

Joey was listening. "Okay. So, what is this deal?" He sounded suspicious. Good.

"You will join me for dinner at my house. Do you have a pen and pencil, or can you only afford to carve things in the wall with a knife?"

"Oh, we like to use finger paint for the important messages," he answered sarcastically. 

So he and Seto _did_ have something in common. "Dinner will be at seven. I expect you here at quarter of, and Wheeler, you don't have to dress like a prep," he finished just as sarcastically.

"Wait, I have to have dinner with you?"

"Yes. My self-esteem is dropping of course, knowing my company is going to be punishment. Here's my address." He told Wheeler—slowly and in small words—where he lived, and what to wear, and answered all of Wheeler's stupid questions. 

Then, he waited. For a while, he went to the studio upstairs to watch Mokuba and Noa working together, fumbling with paints and pencils and words. If Seto ever needed to find Mokuba, the boy could most likely be found in his studio upstairs, painting the walls. Seto had given Mokuba the largest room on the third floor, so the boy could have plenty of space. Plus, their stepfather hated the smell of paints anywhere below the second floor. 

Since he was never around, it didn't much matter, but Mokuba liked his workspace just fine. And obviously, whatever Mokuba liked, Noa liked.

Seto watched in amusement as the older boy blushed when asking for advice on what to draw. Mokuba had changed into paint-splattered overalls and wore a bandana over his hair. Seto was still having a hard time getting used to his hair. 

"Hey, Mokuba, how does this eye look?"

Mokuba, who was standing on a ladder, paintbrush poised at the wall, turned and squinted down at Noa's artwork. "Like a lemon with a blue center. Whose eye is that?" 

Noa threw his eraser up at Mokuba. "Your eye, dummy!" Mokuba stuck out his tongue.

"Seto," Noa whined, "does this look like a lemon?" He held up his sketchbook. 

"Yes. But then, I always did think Mokuba had rather lemonish eyes."

Which was when a glob of paint hit his eye.

***** 

At seven sharp, the doorbell rang.  

Seto opened the door to find Joey Wheeler fidgeting. Joey must have been holding it in for a long time, because he immediately blurted, "Holy shit, this place is huge!"

"It is pretty big, isn't it?"

Joey scowled. "Hadn't pinned you for the modest type." 

Just as Seto was going to respond, he was interrupted.

"Seto!" Noa's voice rang through the foyer as he ran into the room. "Check out this eye! I mean, it's not where near as pretty as the real one, but..." He saw Joey and stopped. "Hi."

"You have a brother?" Joey didn't know this. Why hadn't anyone told him this? 

Explaining things were one of Seto's talents. "Yes, but this isn't him." Or, maybe he wasn't so good at it.

All three of them walked into the dining room, Joey muttering various curses under his breath. He was silent, however, when he spotted the little dark-haired person at the table. If that was Seto's brother, they had to have the most beautiful parents in the world. A sexy son and a cute son? That was impossible. 

As he sat down, Joey was afraid he'd walked into the twilight zone. He soon forgot about it as the cook brought out a steaming plate of...something. "You guys eat this much every night?" 

Three pairs of blue eyes turned to him. "Uh, this is just the first course," the cute boy said warily. "I'm Mokuba. And you are...?" 

"Joey Wheeler."  

Mokuba grinned. "Wow, are you Serenity's older brother?"

"The one and only. How do you know Serenity?" 

Joey watched as Mokuba beamed. "I helped her with her art project!" At this, Noa cut in with "Mokuba's the best artist in the state!" 

Mokuba made a squawking noise. "I'm not that good!" 

They chatted about Serenity and art for a while, although Seto stayed out of the question. Every time Joey looked at the head of the table, two icy blue eyes were fixed on him. By the third course ('gourmet' grilled-cheese sandwiches) Joey was sure that somewhere in the house, the Kaibas were playing the theme song of the Twilight Zone on some hidden radio or something. 

That, or the grilled-cheese sandwiches were hallucination inducing. He remembered Kaiba's comment about dinner at his house being punishment. Watching the iceman himself interacting with two younger teenagers, Joey had to admit that maybe Kaiba was part human after all. 

But, he decided quickly, he could be doing much more important things. 

"Wheeler, you're drooling."

Joey wiped at his mouth, embarrassed, even more so when he discovered there was no drool. "No I'm not." 

"Oh. My mistake." 

Mokuba's eyes widened. He knew that tone. It was the no bullshit tone his big brother used on business clients. No one could stand up his older brother when he got into business mode. 

And, judging by Joey's paled face, he knew that already. 

"So, Wheeler, would you care to explain to me why you skipped our tutoring appointment today?" Kaiba asked harshly. 

Joey began choking on his sandwich. Noa slapped him on the back nervously, as if he didn't know if that was the right thing to do. "Uh, you want the truth?"

Seto smirked. "If you can spare it."

"I didn't feel like it."

For a while, all was quiet. Noa and Mokuba fidgeted, nervously awaiting dessert. Joey and Seto looked nowhere but each other, and Noa nearly leapt out of his chair when Seto looked at him.

"Noa, square root of three thousand four hundred and eighty one."

"Fifty nine," Noa replied without thinking.

Seto smiled, a motion that nearly gave Joey a heart attack. "Very good." He looked back to Joey, whose color had thankfully come back. Pale was not a good color on Wheeler. _'NO color is a good color on Wheeler,_' Seto told himself. Joey Wheeler was a mutt; he was not good-looking in any way. "Noa is third in his class of fifty," Seto told Joey, "and I, modest as I am, only like to claim half of that as my responsibility. In the eighth grade, I tutored Noa so that he could be accepted to one of the best private schools in the state."

Noa blushed. 

"That's...cool." 

Seto smirked. "Yes, I think so too." Another quiet filled the room, until Kaiba asked, "So, is everyone ready for dessert?" 

A relieved chorus of 'yes' was his answer. 

"So," Joey said through his mouthful of cake, "Noa," a few more chews, "you said the eyes you were drawing weren't as pretty as the real ones. Who are you drawing?" 

At that point, Mokuba began choking, and Noa began choking. Somewhere in the house, someone turned up the volume on the twilight zone music, because Seto started laughing. Sorry he had even opened his mouth, Joey excused himself and ran the whole three miles home.

When he got home, he slammed the door, leaned on it, and huffed, "I really need a car."

****** 

Okay, that was chapter four. 

Christina: that thing you liked, the cultural misunderstanding thing—that happened to me. My brother and his friend were trying to decide how all three of us could fit in his truck, when his friend said one of us could sit in the back, even though it's illegal. Well, he's part Mexican, so I suggested he do it, and if we got pulled over, he could pretend not to know English. He said he didn't quite understand, so I said, "I think we're having a cultural misunderstanding." And he said, "I think _you're_ having a cultural misunderstanding." I just thought I'd explain where I got it. ^___^  3

***THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE REVIEWS!*** 

Next chapter, I have NO idea what happens. Damn. But, it should be out by tomorrow night or so, so don't worry. I'll probably get to Joey and Seto's first real tutoring session, in which Joey let's loose his frustration with Seto since he didn't feel right doing it in front of Mokuba. 

Oh, and possibly some Mokuba/Noa shonen-ai happenings. They're bound to realized each other's feelings soon enough, and bigmouth Joey unknowingly helped them along. Just figures he did it while eating. 

The readers go reading two by two, hoorah, hoorah, the readers go reading two by two, hoorah, hoorah, the readers go reading two by two, when one reader stops to leave a review, and the readers go reading on!

So, you heard the rhyme! Review!


	5. Reasons to be Beautiful

Hola, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Tristan/Serenity, Noa/Mokuba 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** WARNING: This is where the story takes an angsty turn. Of course, there will still be copious amounts of humor. Mai is going to make her appearance for more than two sentences this time, and Tristan might just show up too. Like I said, this could be a pretty long story, so it all depends on when the characters are really key to the plot. At least that's the way I see it. Hopefully this chapter will be longer, with little updates on everyone. [Ryou/Malik, Noa/Mokuba, even the Seto/Joey.] On with the reading! 

_:: Love hangs herself_

_With the bedsheets in her cell_

_Threw myself on fires for you_

_10 good reasons to stay alive_

_10 good reasons that I can't find._

_Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful_

_So sick in his body, so sick in his soul_

_Oh and I will make myself so beautiful_

_Oh and everything I am_

_Love hates you_

_I live my life in ruins for you_

_And for all you secrets kept_

_I squashed the blossom and the blossom's dead_

_Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful_

_So sick in his body, so sick in his soul_

_Oh and I will make myself so beautiful_

_Oh and everything I am_

_Miles and miles of perfect skin_

_I swear I do, I fit right in_

_My love burns through everything_

_I cannot breathe_

_Miles and miles of perfect sin_

_I swear, I said, I fit right in_

_I fit right in your perfect skin_

_I cannot breathe_

_Hey, baby, take it all the way...down_

_Hey baby taste me anyway_

_Oh you were born_

_So pretty oh summerbabe_

_We'll never know_

_And fading like a rose..._

_Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful_

_So sick in his body, so sick in his soul_

_I'll give you my body just sell me your soul_

_Oh and everything I am will be bought and sold_

_Oh and everything I am will turn hard and cold_

_And they say in the end_

_You'll get bitter just like them_

_And they steal your heart away_

_When the fire goes out you better learn to fake_

_It's better to rise the fade away_

_Hey you were right_

_Named a star for your eyes_

_Did you freeze did you weep_

_Turn to gold baby, sleep_

_Hey honey mine_

_I was there all the time_

_And I weep at your feet_

_And it rains and rains…::_

--Reasons to be Beautiful by Hole

Chapter Five:

*****Reasons to be Beautiful*****

The world from behind a camera was infinitely gray, Mai realized. At least, with her camera it was that way. Everything was perfect on the coffee table; her rock collection from third grade was arranged to form a word, just as she had planned, with a rose beside it. Around the rocks were black and white pictures from her childhood; she didn't have any in color. In the top corner, Joey and Malik grinned while sneaking up on a sleeping Mai. Below that, Tristan and Mai in matching motorcycle helmets. On the other side, Mai dressed for her first school dance, back when her dad used to tell her what a beautiful young woman she was becoming. Back before her parents stopped noticing.

To the rest of the world, how would the photograph look? Would they know that behind the lens, her tears were falling in rivers, as she pulled all of her memories into one? Click after click, tear after tear, she captured the only thing that wouldn't run away from her on the cheap roll of film inside of her old camera.  

"Oh, ew, cooties," Joey had cried after the one picture of Mai kissing her six-year-old rose petal lips to his cheek. 

"Boys are the ones with cooties," she had replied matter-of-factly. 

She finished the roll, sighing in relief when she was finished. She didn't want to look at it any more. Didn't want to see all of the smiling faces laughing at her tears, stuck in their happiness forever, in black in white. In the basement, she developed the pictures silently. 

Upstairs, on the coffee table, sat a giant collage of memories, framing the single word 'Goodbye.' 

~~~ 

Joey growled and pulled the book his way. Seto rolled his eyes and pulled the book back. "Look, Mutt!" 

"I can't look if I can't see the book," he cried, claiming the book once more. "And don't call me mutt!" 

Seto ran a hand through his hair in an agitated movement. Joey was really starting to work at his last nerves. "Can you tell me what the author is talking about?" 

Surprisingly, Joey spared the English book a calculating gaze. "Love," he finally muttered. 

"Thank-you, captain obvious. I suppose you gathered that from the title, 'the Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock.'" He nearly laughed when Joey suggested he shove the book up his ass, but stopped himself in time. Laughing at Wheeler's horseplay would server as encouragement, and he honestly did not want to encourage the boy any further.  

So far, all Joey had done was manage to deflate Seto's ego bit by bit. Three days of tutoring, and they had finished one poem. _One_ poem. Seto guessed the analyzation of the poem itself would take a couple more days.

Joey grinned, which for some reason, made Seto feel a little less uptight. "So, teacher, teach me. What is Mr. Poet trying to tell me?"

"You tell me, Wheeler." He thumbed through a couple of pages. "Here, we will go passage by passage." 

When he was sure he had Joey's attention, he read: 

"'And would it have been worth it after all, 

After the cup, the marmalade, the tea,

Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,

Would it have been worth while,

To have bitten off the matter with a smile,

To have squeezed the universe into a ball

To roll it towards some overwhelming question,

To say: 'I am Lazarus, come from the dead,

Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all'—

If one, settling a pillow by her head,

Should say: 'That is not what I mean at all.

That is not it, at all.'"

Joey couldn't breathe. If every time Kaiba opened his mouth to insult Joey poetry came out, Joey could find him much better company. The way his lips moved when he read aloud, the way his eyes became half-lidded, as if he was pulled into some deep memory just by the thought of the poem. It was so very, very perfect. Reality kicked in at that moment, reminding Joey that Kaiba did not spout poetry instead of insults. 

In an annoying voice, it also reminded him he was supposed to be analyzing the poem. "Have you any thoughts, Mutt?"

Oh, he would answer right, and he would blow Kaiba away! "I think..." Joey found it a lot harder to form the thoughts into words. Still, he tried for the mere sake of wiping that smug look off of his tutors face. "I think that in the beginning, all he really wants is to love and be loved, but in that part, he just wonders if it's worth it, you know? Like maybe he will get love and realize it isn't as great as he thought it would be." 

Seto scratched his head. "Now you see, Wheeler, why can't you write something like that in class? Maybe you have a brain after all. You must salvage a few brain cells with all of the small words you so frequently use."

"Was that a compliment?" Maybe when they moved on to foreign language, Seto would teach Joey Seto-speak. 

The question was ignored. Seriously, Seto wondered, why would Wheeler think that he had given a compliment? He wouldn't give that punk the time of day. Except, of course, at their tutoring sessions. 

Joey had bowed his head over the Lit. book, a look of intense concentration on his face. His messy blond hair fell over his forehead, some strands falling into his pretty brown eyes. He worried at his lower lip as his eyes moved side to side on the page. 

Okay, so he was pretty. That was it, though. Joey Wheeler was only good for looking at, in Seto's book. After all, the boy had no depth, saw nothing but his own way. He was so fucking stereotypical Seto wanted to strangle him. 

"So why does the smoke rub on things?" Seto watched, transfixed, as Joey shook the hair out of his eyes. 

"Personification," he answered. "Compare it to a dog, like yourself, rubbing on things and curling up on a rug sine they can't have anything better." 

"Look, asshole, just because you're rich doesn't mean you're better than me." 

Seto, clichéd as it was, faked a yawn. "No, Wheeler, I'm better because I'm smarter and I'm richer, and I match when I dress." 

"I match!" Which was a lie. Even Joey knew his faded brown pants didn't match his orange baseball shirt, or the glittery red belt he borrowed from Malik. The shirt wasn't his either; he had gotten it at a thrift store, because it had the name "Casey" on the back, which seemed ridiculously funny because his name wasn't Casey. 

Anyway, it had been funnier two years ago when he bought it. Actually bought, too! He decided it was a little too low-class to steal from a thrift store, and he wasn't going to spend the fifty cents on anything else.  

"Wheeler, you look like you fell through your shitty apartment floor into a color-blind persons closet." 

"Simile!" 

Seto paused. What the hell was he talking about? "Excuse me?"

Joey couldn't believe it. He had actually learned something from the frigid iceman! "Using like or as is a simile!" 

Unfortunately, Seto didn't share the excitement. "Wheeler, that's third grade material." He sort of regretted it when he saw the smile leave Wheeler's face. Still, he didn't stop. "It's too bad you can't steal knowledge, isn't it?" 

"You always got to rub my imperfections in my face, dontcha?" He stood up, hovering over Kaiba. "You fucking lucky I don't rub yours in! I should just—"

"Joey!" 

A stricken Malik ran into the Library, with none other than Ryou Bakura by his side. Tears were running down his face. Joey forgot about Kaiba instantly. 

"Malik? What happened?" Malik Ishtar _never_ cried, which meant something bad had happened. He pulled the shaking boy into his arms, running his hands through the dusty blond hair. Oh, God—"Is Isis all right?" 

Malik's head nodded against Joey's chest. "It's Mai. She tried to kill herself." Sobs racked through his body, causing him to completely fall into Joey's arms. "She's in ICU. Joey, why didn't I notice?" 

Joey had stopped breathing. Mai, his best childhood friend, had tried...He couldn't even think it. Why hadn't _he_ noticed? Why hadn't noticed something was bothering her? 

His voice broke as he spoke. "I...one of us has to call Tristan. Can we go see her?"

Malik didn't answer. Behind him, Ryou stood watching Malik, his chocolate eyes big and watery. As gently as he could, Joey pried his friend off of him and pushed him into the arms of Ryou, who accepted him with a bright blush. Malik didn't seem to notice, simply kept crying. 

Seto watched from a distance as the two blond boys embraced one another and cried. Despite his curiosity, he refused to ask. It seemed he didn't really have to, either, as Joey ran over and shoved his work into his book bag. There were tears on his cheeks. "I gotta cut the session short. I'll...I'll be here tomorrow." 

******* 

The hospital was cold, and it smelled like soap and tears. Ryou had saved the day with his car, and the way he held Malik's hand tightly in the waiting room. Joey couldn't even move his fingers. His entire body felt numb. 

"Shh, it will be alright."

"No, it won't." 

"Please, please stop talking..." 

"She's going to be okay."

Joey didn't even know who said what. At one point, he was sure he contributed something to the short-lived conversation. Nothing mattered, though, but Mai.

Just yesterday, Mai had laughed and joked around with him, talking about a concert she was planning to go to. It just didn't make sense. Another thing that didn't make sense was—. 

"How did you know?" Joey asked quietly. 

"Play practice." His voice sounded wet. "We have two hour practice every day after school. Mai...she wasn't in class, but we were getting measured for costumes today. I called her house, and Mrs. Valentine answered..." 

Joey didn't want to know but had to ask. "When did it happen?" 

"Her mom found her this morning...she had swallowed a lot of pills..." a few sobs escaped, "there were three envelopes in her hand. One for me, one for you, and one for T...Tristan. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna be sick!" He leapt out of his chair and towards the bathroom, with Ryou hot on his heels. 

Joey continued to stare numbly at his hands. They became blurry after a moment, and he realized he was crying. What was he supposed to _say_ to her? And oh, god, what if she didn't make it?

At some point, arms encircled his body and held him while he sobbed. Lips murmured soothingly against his ear, and he felt tears that weren't his falling onto his face. When he looked up, all that his fuzzy vision would provide was a large brown spike of hair. 

Tristan had arrived. 

******** 

"Shh, it's going to be alright," Ryou whispered. Patiently, he held Malik's hair back as he vomited, rubbing Malik's back with the other hand. He'd never had experience in that particular area, but he didn't seem to be too bad at it. 

When Malik finished, Ryou sat on the floor, back against the wall, and pulled Malik into his arms. Ryou fished a breath mint out of his pocket, and handed it to the crying boy. 

"Just like you British," Malik said, "always prepared." 

Wrapping his arms around Malik's torso, he replied, "I do believe those are the boy scouts." 

Malik laughed between sobs. "What if she dies? Ryou, she's like a sister to me!" 

Ryou rested his chin on Malik's shoulder. "I'm going to tell you a sad story to console you, because that is what British people do."  

"I had a sister once." Malik sucked in a breath. Ryou continued, even though he felt his own eyes watering. "She was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. She was older than me, always teasing me. Father said that we looked so much alike, and she would tell me I looked more like a girl than she did." He laughed brokenly. "She was always teasing me so much. And then one day, I was hurt. My knee was bleeding, and I began to cry. There was so much blood...and when Mum and Father rushed me to the doctor, she held me the whole time, just like this. She didn't taunt me for crying, simply held me and told me a sad story. And...and when she and mum died, my father didn't hold me. I needed someone to hold me so badly." He tightened his arms around Malik. "I just wanted her to be there so she could hold me." 

The purple-eyed boy turned in Ryou's arms. "You," he said, wiping at his eyes, "have got to be the most depressing British person I have ever met. I'd kind of like to kiss you." Oh, man! He hadn't meant to say that! 

Ryou looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "I...should very much like for you to kiss me. I must look a fright, though, and my—"

Malik kissed him softly. When his eyes opened, Ryou's watery brown eyes were staring at him, and he broke. With a groan, he opened his mouth against the other boys and let out all of his pain, and his fear that was bottled inside of him. The tongues met in a frenzied passion, and behind all of his worry, Malik found himself thinking that the British boy was the best kisser in the world.

By the end of the kiss, their tongues were moving together lazily. Ryou pulled back first. He was amusingly short of breath, as was Malik. "I...that wasn't just to make you feel better." 

Malik pushed his face into Ryou's neck and murmured, "I know." 

Desperate for something to say, Ryou blurted, "Tell me about Mai." 

"Ah, but where to start?" Malik didn't sound as sad as he did before, and Ryou felt oddly proud of himself. 

"How about the beginning?"

A sigh. "Well, when I first moved here from Egypt, Mai and I hated one another." He chuckled. "She was jealous that I was prettier than her, and I was jealous because she was so close to my new best friend Joey. We actually became friends in a very embarrassing way." 

"Are you going to tell me about this embarrassing experience?" 

"Of course. The three of us had a wicked ice cream fight at Joey's house. Being the under dresser that I am, I was the messiest. So I called first shower, and Mai decided she needed to use the little girls room. And, to quote her, 'nothing wrong with two girls seeing each other naked,' so she let herself in. She flushed the toilet, freezing my ass off, so naturally, I screamed. She pulled back the shower curtain to laugh at me, when she noticed a certain part of my anatomy she hadn't known about. Turns out she thought I was a girl. That was the first and last time a girl other than my sister has seen my dick."

"That's...the most delightful story. I rather like that, instead of the sad story." 

Malik pressed a quick kiss to Ryou's lips. "Yeah, I kinda like the happy stories myself. Thank-you."

The British boy was baffled. "Whatever for?" He shifted a bit as Malik extricated himself from his arms. The stood together, face to face. Malik had never been so glad for breath mints. "Everything," he said. "I'm going to hug you now," he warned. 

"Alright." The hug, as Malik had called it, was more of a death grip. So Ryou was very guiltily glad when Joey popped his head in the bathroom and said breathlessly, "She's awake!" 

******* 

She didn't know where she was. Judging by the pure whiteness of everything, it could have been heaven. The IV tube was a definite sign of hell, though. And the smell brought on a memory of breaking her arm when she was eight, that smell of soap and something she couldn't quite put her finger on. 

Why in the hell wasn't she dead. Mai was really disappointed simply because she had gone to all of the trouble beforehand, and her friends would probably kill her. So it was a lose/lose situation. Figured. 

"Delivery for Mai Valentine." A Brooklyn accent wafted into the room. "I brought a nice big bouquet of 'WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?'"

Mai laughed, even though it hurt her throat. "Wow, those are my favorite flowers." Her arms were suddenly full of Joey, who straddled her and poked her cheek. "I swear to God, Mai, if you ever do this again, I will follow you." 

"Me too." Mai looked up from Joey, her eyes filled with tears. Malik stood in the doorway, his arm wrapped around the boy from their theatre class. Well that was new. You go to kill yourself, and two guys get together. 

"And I might do something drastic, like sell my motorcycle." 

Mai nearly ripped out the IV tube. "Trist?" 

Tristan sat on the edge of the bed, and pushed Joey off. "Hey babe. I leave for two months, and you go and try this." He gestured around the room. "Did you really miss me that bad?" 

Mai slapped his arm. "You wish. I think this was a cry for help," she declared. 

"Which is why you left us notes?" Malik was angry. They were _joking_ like one of their best friends hadn't tried to kill herself. "Because personally, I prefer the phone for calls."

"Malik, don't be that way..." Mai frowned down at her lap. She had seriously suspected Malik would be the one making the jokes. 

"How the hell am I supposed to be, Mai?" He took a deep breath. "I mean it. If you ever kill yourself, I'm following you to hell. I..." Mai looked up at them, and their purple eyes met. "I can't do this." 

He ran forward and planted a kiss on Mai's forehead. "I have to go." 

Mai pulled on the IV cord nervously. "I really fucked up, didn't I?" 

"Yeah," Joey said, "You really did. Yu know he'll come around though. He really loves you. And you know he doesn't take loss well." 

Tristan grabbed Mai's hands. "Yeah. Everything's going to be okay. I'm taking a few days off classes, so I'll be here until you're out. Then we'll take a nice long right around town." 

Mai smiled. "How about we just ditch New York, lover?"  

"You pay for half the gas, and we got ourselves a deal." 

Joey jumped back on the bed. "You got a third helmet?" 

Mai laughed. "Yeah, right. Maybe Trist can build you one of those little side-car things, like all the sidekicks in the movie ride in."

Joey punched Tristan, who was laughing. "HEY! I'm no sidekick!"  

The three of them sat together until the nurse forced them to part. They spent all three hours pretending everything was alright. 

******* 

Malik sat in the passenger's seat of Ryou's car, his head hanging out the window. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

Ryou looked over nervously. "Are you alright?" His hand was gripping the clutch like a lifeline.

A tan hand covered Ryou's, and Malik answered, "Yeah." He rolled up his window so he could hear better. "I just needed to get that out, you know? Hey, if you need to do it, I'll hold the wheel while you do it." 

Aghast, Ryou spluttered, "I most certainly will not!"

Amused lilac eyes met his in the rear-view mirror. "I know. Hey..." He rubbed his thumb over Ryou's pale fingers. "We're okay, right? You and me?" 

"Of course." 

"So...it's been a long day." 

Ryou narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Yes…?" Fingers curled into his hair, and he had to transfer both hands to the wheel. 

"Want to spend the night at my place? You know," he said quietly, "comfort me with some depressing stories if I have nightmares." 

Well. "I suppose I could. I don't know about in Egypt, but where I come from, we wear clothes to bed, so no getting off!" 

It seemed another cultural misunderstanding occurred as Malik began coughing. "Right…I usually just go for cuddling anyway. And, err, what do you mean, getting off?" 

"Oh, you know," at Malik's silence, Ryou said meekly, "Like, kissing, and sex and whatnot." 

Laughter filled the car, and Malik planted a sloppy wet kiss on Ryou's cheek. "Don't worry. Nothing above PG rating, okay?" He gave directions to his apartment building in between giggles. "Oh, and I have to warn you, I'm a violent sleeper." 

If it was possible, Ryou paled. 

As they turned off on the exit to Malik's place, he thought about Mai. While he felt guilty he hadn't stayed and tried to make her feel better, he just didn't think he could face any of that at the moment. It seemed greedy, but, Malik though, what Mai did was infinitely more selfish, because she almost took a beautiful woman and a wonderful friend out of the world. And Malik couldn't forgive something like that. 

He shook his head. It was time for happy thoughts. 

"So," he looked over at Ryou, "you ever had a tofu-burger?" 

Ryou looked over, eyes wide. "Excuse me?" 

Thus began the Gay Vegetarian Egyptian revolution. Or something like that. 

***********  

Wooooooo! I can't believe I did that to Mai! *rubs eyes* I really did it! 

I know I'm posting this early, and it's 5:45 am, so there are probably a LOT of typos. 

Anyway, if I'm not asleep by this afternoon, I'll be working on chapter six! Hooray! 

In which Mokuba and Noa come and study with Seto and Joey. It will be some sort of odd gay quartet thing. Hmm. Yes, it sounds perfect, doesn't it. And come on, who wants me to put in the Ryou/Malik sleepover?? 

Noa and Mokuba should probably get together, too. Which amazingly, will leave me to write Joey and Seto for the duration of the fic, and some very minor Serenity/Tristan. You know what? I might not even write it. I might just HINT at it. 

Okay, seriously, wasn't Ryou the cutest thing in the world? I love him so much. 

But I certainly don't heart him as much as I heart Joey. 

If you click that button down there, you can tell me just how much you heart me. Go on, I triple dog dare you. 


	6. Act of Contrition

Ciao, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Mokuba/Noa

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** Okay, serious randomosity here. Not really, though. Joey and Kaiba might talk a little, and Mokuba and Noa will chat at bit, maybe kiss a bit. I have no fucking clue what will happen in this chapter. Just read it, I hope it's worth it! 

_::The air was all dust and not so untamed_

_The ground opened up and swallowed all of the rain_

_And it swallowed you too into distance unknown_

_As they sat down for dinner they waited for you to get home_

_Yeah, they set a place for you_

_So don't believe in everything you read in that diary of yours_

_And this nervousness, it isn't all your fault_

_It's just these shaking hands won't do what I want...them to_

_And I've tried to guess what it is that you thought about_

_That act of contrition that rolled off your tongues as you left_

_What are you crying for?_

_Just dust my heart and you will find_

_There are no fingers printed there_

_Just the untouched place that lies inside_

_Of every lonely boy tonight_

_And all of this open air has cause me to choke_

_Of your new found hope for me::_

--Act of Contrition, by Bright Eyes

Chapter six:

*****Act of Contrition***** 

By some law of nature, it turned out the earlier Joey got to the library, the less Kaiba bitched about it. It wasn't like Joey looked forward to their lessons, or anything. Deep down, Tuesday was his favorite though—if he _had_ to pick a favorite—since it was English day, in which Kaiba regularly recited poetry. 

A multitude of excited teenagers ran out of school when the bell rang. It was really depressing to not be one of them. Instead of escaping the hellhole of learning, Joey was sitting alone in the library. 

Either Joey was really early, or Kaiba was late. 

Late was probably the only word Joey knew that Kaiba didn't. Sadly enough, Joey felt like gloating. Currently he was too busy wondering where his tutor was, though. After a few seconds of wondering just where the other boy could be, he appeared. 

"Speak of the devil," he muttered. 

Kaiba ignored him completely as he sat down. His attention was focused solely on his shirt; his fingers wouldn't move away from the one spot near his waist. Frankly, the lack of attention was pissing Joey off. He didn't like being ignored by anyone.

Even if that someone happened to be Seto Kaiba. In his most girlish voice possible, Joey cried, "Like, oh my god, did you break a nail?"

There was a pause, before, "Hn. I lost a button." At the blank look Joey gave him, he felt the need to explain. "This is my favorite shirt."

Oh, wasn't _that_ sad? Joey coughed to cover his laugh. "Don't worry," he told Kaiba, "I'm sure for eighty dollars you can get a new favorite shirt." 

With no real reason to respond, he didn't. For the rest of the mandatory time together, Kaiba read out poetry, and Joey analyzed it. Well, Joey _tried_ to analyze it. For the first time in two weeks, they didn't argue once during the lesson. 

After the lesson was a completely different story. As Joey packed up his things, he turned and realized the leaving thing was completely one-sided. Kaiba still sat, fingering the tiny hole that broke the line of buttons. The blond rolled his eyes. 

"Never you fear, Joey is here!" 

Sapphire eyes snapped to Joey, and he felt his knees buckle. Seto didn't seem to notice his wobbly stance, though. "Oh, so you can fix this? You steal and you sew?" 

Nervous laughter bubbled out of Joey. "What can I say, I like things that start with 'S.'" 

And that so didn't come out right. On a scale of one to ten on the wrong-shit-to-say-o-meter, that was a definite six. Joey busied himself with digging through his book bag to hide the blush covering his cheeks. He felt a tiny object in his hand and cried, "aha!" 

Now, Seto couldn't really see himself objecting to having Joey Wheeler on his knees before him. To be honest, he'd never really thought of what he would do in a situation like the one he was currently in. 

Joey was kneeling there, his nimble fingers working at Seto's shirt. _'Just breath, Seto.'_  It was increasingly hard, though. NO! Not hard, not hard at all! Joey wasn't fairing much better, either. To be honest, he had finished fixing Kaiba's shirt a while before, and was just fiddling with the expensive material absentmindedly. The blue silk material felt so good, and when he moved it just right, he caught a glimpse of the pale belly beneath. 

Seriously, he scolded himself, getting all hot and bothered by a _hint_ of _stomach_. He wasn't some blushing virgin! But he was blushing, and he was a virgin, last time he checked. The weirdest things always happened when he got drunk. Remembering where he was, Joey stood quickly. 

Equipped with an infuriating smirk, Seto said, "A safety pin?" He touched it briefly; blushing when he realized the normally cold metal was still warm from Joey's hands. To cover for it, he said, "Oh, that is _so_ punk rock."

"Like you'd know." 

Seto laughed, but it wasn't a happy, smiley laugh. It was a sadistic, in-your-face sort of laugh. "Wheeler, for a guy who likes to mock stereotypes, you just sauntered into one." 

"Since when are safety pins a stereotype?"

"No punk rocker is without at least one safety." Seto smirked and began counting off things on his fingers. "There are so many useful things to do with them: pierce your body in odd places, decorate book bags, hold clothes together, just be shiny in general..." 

Joey groaned. "Okay, okay, I get your point. It ain't no stereotype, though, a lot of people have safety pins. It's got nothing to do with who you hang out with!"

"Oh, come on, Wheeler, I read an article in one of my horribly expensive magazines! I heard punk rock is the cool thing nowadays." He stroked his chin. "Come to think of it, there was a two page article on safety pins. Thanks to the people of Cool-World magazine, I now know what's cool and what's not."

"You wouldn't know cool if it bit you in ass." 

"Want to find out?" 

In retrospect, Kaiba still couldn't find an excuse for saying that. Normally, he would ignore any comments thrown at him. There was something about the blond punk that just made him want to respond. It wasn't just those pretty brown eyes, either. 

Joey laughed nervously again, reminding Kaiba he had been waiting for a response. "It's, uh..." he looked around for a while, before his gaze settled on the entrance to the school just beyond the large windows of the library. And just outside the school...

"It's raining! Shit! I hope Ryou's still around!"

What the hell could the British boy's Mercedes convertible do that Kaiba's mustang couldn't? "I'll give you a ride." 

"You're hitting on me." The statement was uttered quietly. Both boys took the time to wonder where everyone had gone; at the beginning of their session, the librarian had been watching them warily, and a few students ("Nerds!") had even come in to read. 

Five p.m. and the school was already empty? 

"I wish you wouldn't think so lowly of me. I am in no way attracted to you, mutt. Now, my car is outside." With that said, Kaiba walked briskly past Joey. 

Attracted to**you**_._ Nothing about being attracted to other boys. With that in mind, Joey followed the pretty prep. For some reason, he felt like a puppy following its master. A sadly hopeful puppy. 

Across town, rain poured on the street; something the weatherman hadn't predicted that morning on the news. Two figures were huddled under an umbrella, shivering slightly in the cold air. 

"This is your fault, you know," the smaller figure accused. 

Sarcasm laced the other's voice. "Really? Because I thought _you_ were the one who locked the keys in the car."

"You shouldn't have let me drive!" 

There was brief scuffle for control of the umbrella. "Yeah, well, it was your idea to take a joy-ride!" 

Mokuba growled up at Noa, "Yeah, well, excuse me for having a sense of adventure!" 

"I have a sense of adventure!" He was momentarily shoved from underneath the umbrella. Back underneath, he shook his wet hair all over Mokuba. 

"You brought a cell phone," Mokuba accused harshly. "The whole point was to be spontaneous and adventurous!"

The taller boy slapped his friend on the back of his head. "Yeah, in case we spontaneously got in a car wreck!"

Mokuba scowled.

"You planned ahead, which makes you unspontaneous. Which obviously means you're no fun to be with."

Noa scowled back. 

For nearly two weeks, tension had been mounting between the two. Nothing had really been said about the "dinner incident" before. Both boys were waiting for the other to talk about it first. 

As far as Mokuba was concerned, it was Noa who had some explaining to do. "You...why aren't you saying anything?" 

They were stopped in front of a grocery store. "I guess we need to talk." 

Heat filled Mokuba's cheeks. "About what?" A hand covered his cheek, and he fought the urge to giggle. He looked up through lowered lashes at his best friend. 

Teal eyes stared back at him calmly. "I think you have really pretty blue eyes." It felt really good to say. Like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest.

"I think you have pretty eyes, too." Mokuba turned away shyly. "And you are fun to be with."

"And you're sense of adventure is really cute."

 When Mokuba felt he could look back and not blush, he saw that Noa was holding back laughter. He huffed. So much for heartfelt confessions of love! "What's so funny?" 

Noa burst into laughter. "That was so much easier than I imagined!" 

"I..." Mokuba brightened suddenly, and laughed along. "It really was!" So caught up in the moment, he didn't give a second thought to throwing his arms around Noa's shoulders and kissing him. It only lasted a second, just two pairs of lips touching softly, until Mokuba pulled away. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" 

"For pulling away?" Noa held the younger boys' face in his hands—he was glad Mokuba had claimed the umbrella—and pushed their noses together. "I forgive you," he whispered. Then, he initiated their second kiss, a more intimate kiss. When Noa's tongue came out to play, Mokuba's hands went slack, and neither boy noticed the umbrella dropping to the ground. 

Mokuba's now-empty hands snaked around Noa's waist, and he smiled brightly into the kiss. When Noa pulled back, Mokuba whispered, "Does that make you my boyfriend?" 

"Hmm." Noa grinned and whispered back, "One kiss for yes, and two kisses for yes." 

Mokuba blinked. "How many kisses for no?"

"No kisses for no."

Lips met once more, the rain making them slick. They both grinned into the kisses; yet another thing the weatherman hadn't predicted that morning.

They stayed that way for a few moments, neither noticing when a car pulled up beside them. 

Gray clouds hiding the sun, mixed with the darkly tinted windows, made it impossible to see who was inside the car until the window rolled down. Whistles and catcalls were the first thing to greet the boys (they broke apart in shock, Mokuba blushing madly, and Noa smiling like he'd won the lottery), before a brown-eyed blond came into view. 

"Wait to go Noa!" 

In the drivers seat, Seto sighed. "Can you shut your mouth for five minutes?" 

"No." Joey stuck out his tongue. 

Seto focused on his little brother and Noa. "I saw a car that looked curiously like one of mine," The brunette stated dryly. 

"It was him!" the two boys cried in unison, pointing at each other. 

Mokuba giggled and kissed Noa on the cheek before hopping in the car. Noa pouted in indignation, while Joey howled in the front seat. 

"Okay, driver man, take me home!"

****** 

"Ow," lilac eyes narrowed at Joey. "You didn't have to hit me! Isis, arrest this man!" 

He covered his eyes and mocked cried, leaving a nice view of his bare chest. All the Egyptian boy wore were a pair of silky lavender pajama pants.

Lavender pajama pants Joey had lifted for Isis, not her little brother.

Isis wasn't listening to Malik's complaints, though. She was unbuttoning her navy blue shirt and pulling it off. Had Joey been into girls, he would have loved Isis and her nice breasts. Her nice, supple, tan breasts. Hey, just because he was gay didn't mean he couldn't appreciate the view!

Of course, the 23-year-old policewoman knew Joey was gay, so she had no problem with undressing in front of him. It was really nice getting out of those pants, too. The belt was chafing her slim waist all afternoon. Damn police uniform, with its damn tight belt.

Isis and Joey had run into each other at the front of the building, Isis getting off of her morning shift, and Seto driving slowly. Knowing his dad wouldn't be home, Joey went home with her. He didn't like being alone during thunderstorms anyway. 

With a relieved sigh, Isis dropped her uniform onto the floor.

"Ah," Malik screamed and dove forward, lifting her clothes off of the floor. "I just cleaned twenty minutes ago," he whined, waving the feather duster in Isis' face. 

In a movement that proved why she was a cop, Isis yanked the silky pants down her brother's legs. He squawked in embarrassment, although he was wearing boxers underneath. "Thanks for keeping them warm, little brother."

Malik glared at her. "They match my eyes better," he snapped. 

Joey laughed and walked into the kitchen, welcoming himself to the familiar sight of food. The only downside of staying with the Ishtar's was their vegetarianism. Not that Joey didn't respect them for not eating animals, because he did. He was a bottomless pit, though, and loved all kinds of food. Especially meat. 

His flat belly made a lot of people think he didn't eat well, and all of the black shirts he wore only made him appear thinner. Joey didn't do much to argue their suspicions; most of the time, he complained that he was starving. Like that moment. 

"Gah, I'm starving." 

"Shock me, shock me!"

Joey threw a tofu-dog at Malik's head, regretting it simply because he could have eaten it. "Shaddup." 

He started munching on some celery. It was better than nothing, after all. He jumped up on the counter beside the fridge and began swinging his legs back and forth. For some reason, in Malik's home, he always felt five instead of sixteen. His tan friend joined him, leaning his head on Joey's shoulder. 

"So, tell me about Ryou. We haven't really _talked_ in a while. With the tutoring and Mai, I guess we just...So, tell me about Ryou?"

Malik laughed, sending a pleasant vibration through Joey's shoulder. "He's a good kisser. He's like some kind of British prince or something. So goddamn polite, always asking me before kissing me, and..." he began laughing harder. 

"What?" Joey smiled. He'd missed the sound of his best friends laughter. 

"It's just so...cliché. You won't believe this." 

"Try me." 

Malik took a deep breath, trying in vain to quell his laughter. "He...oh shit...he set his fucking jacket over a puddle for me!" 

"No shit," Joey howled, his body shaking from the hilarity of it. 

The sudden darkness was enough to sober both of them quickly. All was silent for a moment, until Malik started screaming like a banshee in labor. At sixteen, he still hadn't grown out of his fear of the dark.  

"HOLD ME!" 

Joey wanted to slap Malik. The other boy, in his delusional state of fear, had hopped off of the counter. How in the hell was Joey supposed to **see** him? Honestly!

"Malik," he said calmly, "I can't see you. Walk back to the counter." Malik did as he was told, his body hitting Joey's legs with an audible thump. Joey guided the other boy onto the counter, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He jumped when someone began knocking at the door, but Isis called out, "I think that's the neighbors!" 

Malik whimpered softly. Joey fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay, buddy. Calm down." His friend quieted, but still shook softly. "Mm, Seto read me this story about how a girl closed her eyes and thought about her boyfriend when she got trapped in a dark attic! So, uh, talk about Ryou. Think about him, and tell me about him."

Malik's voice echoed in the darkness. "He's so...clichéd as it is...beautiful. Whenever we're alone, it's like he's a whole different person than he is in theatre class. Like, he's all tense and nervous in class, and so open with me. It makes me feel so good that he can be himself with me. And we never do anything more than kiss. Sometimes, I think we both want more, but we're not ready for it, you know?"

"I know," Joey murmured. 

"And the night after he stayed here, after Mai...when I woke up, and saw his face, his big brown eyes, and his hair all messy, I was so in love. It probably sounds bad, that I fell in love from looking at him, but that's not it! I just, I thought of how it felt when he was holding me, when he shared a part of his life with me." He sighed. "Is it bad to be in love at sixteen? So many things could go wrong, and I'm no where near as perfect as him. That, and we haven't even been together more than a week. But I know its love." 

Joey snorted at the 'perfect comment', and hit the air blindly, pleased with the "ow" he got when his hand connected with Malik's bare back. 

The smack was nowhere near as big a surprise as the flashlight beam that shone on them. Isis stood in the kitchen doorway, flashlight in hand, and beside her, a familiar figure held a lantern nervously. 

Ryou Bakura. With tears in his eyes.

Several blinks, and Malik was officially sure he wasn't hallucinating. It was a conflicting emotions type of thing—he didn't know whether he should be relieved, or mortified.

No one said anything. Joey thought about making a joke to break the tension, when the sound of footsteps took care of it. In the small beam of light, Ryou discarded his lantern and ran forward into the arms of his boyfriend. 

It seemed like their lips met before their bodies. Ryou leapt into Malik's arms, wrapping his legs securely around the blonde's waist. 

"Well," Joey said loudly, "I'm just going to go have sex with Isis...okay, or if you're not listening, I'll be in the living room bonding with Isis. There will be lots of talking, and there could very well be a pillow fight in the dark. It will be dangerous, and fun, and you both are invited." 

Not surprisingly, Ryou and Malik weren't listening. They were still kissing, with less force, but no less passion. To Joey, it looked like the most heart wrenching kiss ever. Even more so than Noa and Mokuba's—and Joey realized he had seen two pairs of boys kissing in one day. 

"Isis, is it gay day?" 

She led them through the living room with her flashlight. They sat on the couch; more of Isis sitting, and Joey resting his head in her silky purple lap. He was so glad he stole those pajama pants for her. 

"Not that I know of." 

"You should be a lesbian." 

The dim light shone on one side of her bronzed face as she looked down at Joey. "Oh? And just who would I lesbianize?" She began running her fingers through his hair, trying to work through the snags and tangles. 

Mothers did that sort of thing, Joey realized. There was a pang of something in his chest. No time for that, though. Isis had asked him a question. "I don't know. How about Mai? She thinks you're hot!" 

"I...she does?" Their eyes met, and Isis began to laugh. "Joe-Joe, you're trying to turn us into the Queer as Folk cast." 

"Nah...Well, maybe. You and Mai don't have to have a baby, though." 

Concern laced Isis's voice when she asked, "How is Mai?" 

Hmm. How _was_ Mai Valentine? At school, she acted like her usual sensual self, uncaring of the opinions of others. No one really knew about her week of absence, and whenever someone asked, Mai would say she went on vacation in a place where everyone she saw wore white. On the outside, she looked the same. On the inside, she was hopelessly wishing she wasn't alive. For some reason, she thought she had nothing to live for. Joey was insulted; he would think he would be enough to want to keep someone around. 

"She's great. Just needs someone to love. Guy or girl." 

"Hmm..." 

"This is when you're supposed to remember some old Egyptian proverb your parents taught you, and give it to me so that I will be all wise and shit." 

Isis laughed. "Okay. Umm, those who are narrow minded may only see one side of the pyramid." 

"Ooh. Good proverb. I like." 

A few minutes later, Ryou and Malik joined them, smiling gently and talking softly. They sat on the floor, and the four of them stayed up in the darkness talking about everything they could think of. 

The only thing they didn't talk about was Joey's mother, whom he thought of the whole time, as Isis gently combed his hair with her fingers. 

*******  

OKAY! 

Wooo…sorry this chapter is so short, but come on, Noa and Mokuba got together, FINALLY and Ryou found out that after one week of dating Malik is in love with him, 

Joey doesn't make much progress, except that he got to get on his knees in front of Kaiba. 

So, next chapter, embarrassment for Mokuba and Noa, and Joey makes a mistake concerning Kaiba. Somehow, though, I foresee a cute argument between them. It should all turn out well. So, next chapter is when things take a turn, and Joey and Seto finally start making some romantic progress! 

Yay for romantic progress.

Thanks again for all of the reviews. I love the reviews. *****Hugs the reviews*

Turns out I'm not getting into fanfiction heaven unless I acquire more review's.


	7. Have You Ever

Buenos Dias, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Noa/Mokuba 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** Mainly, I'm focusing on cuteness in this chapter. But, Joey and Seto will take a definite turn from enemies to something more. Eh, who knows, maybe they will relieve some sexual tension or something. But not all of it! Christina, don't worry, I'll save that for you! Steaminess is a ways to go, yet. Anyway, if I haven't managed to confuse the shit out of everyone, read on! 

_::To get up and walk away would be too easy._

_So stay and stand your ground, just watch your mouth with me._

_On the back of every right, there's a wrong looming._

_So here you and I should tread as soft as these razor blades for boots will_

_Let be_

_Have you ever tried to step in my shoes?!_

_Have you ever tried to balance that beam?!_

_And if you ever try to fit in my shoes,_

_They'll never be quite as soft as they seemed._

_Thought!_

_Unabashed honesty would be ideal,_

_But a prophet did once say that honesty is a lonely word._

_So where do we go from here? Abandon ship now!_

_My problem is you make me melt and I don't want to be frozen anymore_

_Have you ever tried to step in my shoes?!_

_Have you ever tried to balance that beam?!_

_And if you ever try to fit in my shoes,_

_They'll never be quite as soft as they seemed._

_Ooh oooh no oh no_

_Have you ever, have you ever tried to?_

_I have never, I have never tried to!_

_Have you ever tried to step in my shoes?!_

_Have you ever tried to balance that beam?!_

_And if you ever try to fit in my shoes,_

_They'll never be quite as soft as they seemed._

_Ooh oooh no oh no_

_::_

--Have you Ever by Incubus

Chapter Seven:

*****Have You Ever***** 

Maids fluttered around like butterflies, speaking to no one, looking at no one. The marble floor shined so brilliantly, the maids reflections beamed up into the room. A perfect carbon copy, dancing in the sea of floor. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Noa watched all of this, from his spot by the front door. No one had answered, after six rings of the doorbell, and nearly twenty-two knocks on the large door. Naturally, he had let himself in. Seto had mentioned something about his step-dad hosting a dinner party that night. Of course, he had invited Noa, since Mokuba's attendance was mandatory. Pfft. Like Noa wanted to sit at a table for fifty listening to talks of stocks and business mergers. 

Holding his boyfriends hand under the table was the only reason he was actually going to go. 

Having come from the estate next door, Noa didn't really see any reason to call before coming over. He sincerely doubted anyone would have answered the phone anyway. 

None of the hired help noticed the blue-haired boy standing by the staircase. Nor did they notice when he began to climb the stairs. Noa would have climbed the second staircase to the third floor to look for his boyfriend, but the sound of singing caught his attention. Three rooms down the hall was Mokuba's bedroom. 

Music was blaring inside the room, and the sound of a hairdryer, which meant Mokuba was getting ready for the party. Figured. Mokuba was like a total girl when it came to getting ready. The boy could preen for hours, and still no be ready. 

And just what the hell did he need a hair-dryer for? He had practically no hair anymore. Silly boy.

Noa knocked first, out of politeness. There was no answer, so he walked right in.

The dark-haired boy was standing in front of his dresser mirror, blow-drying his hair and singing along with the music playing. One hand was holding the dryer, and the other was holding up the towel wrapped loosely around his waist. His hips were swaying gently, which Noa noticed first—well, the first thing he really noticed was that Mokuba wore nothing but a towel. 

A blush covered his cheeks. Not wanting to seem like a pervert, he yelled, "Hey, Mokie!" 

The younger boy must have heard **something**, because he turned around, a quizzical look on his face. When he spotted Noa, he shrieked, and dropped his hair-dryer. 

And his towel. 

To say Noa and Mokuba had never seen each other naked would be a complete lie. Still, that had been back when they were little, and not dating, when Mokuba wasn't so...

The small patch of curly hair just above his penis was a definite surprise. That, and the fact that said private part had...grown. Nothing like a porn star, but it sure as hell didn't look like that when they were six. And it made Noa feel all tingly inside to know it would be growing a lot as they got older. 

Noa only got a small peek before Mokuba was screaming. In the world of chain reactions, it was completely necessary for Noa to start screaming too. 

Noa recovered first, and he did his best to run over to the other side of the room to turn off the radio. He was embarrassed to find it was hard to walk, much less run. The dazed Mokuba didn't seem to notice, though. 

When the older boy turned to return to his boyfriend, he got an eye-full of the _other_ side of Mokuba. Oh, man. Noa wondered if enjoying the sight of a younger boys bottom made him a pedophile. 

He walked over softly and wrapped the towel back around Mokuba's waist. If he wasn't so traumatized as well, he would have been amused to know Mokuba's blush covered his whole body. 

"Hey, Mokie, it's okay!" 

Mokuba sniffled. "No, it's not...I'm so embarrassed," he wailed. 

Noa wrapped his arms around Mokuba tightly. "Don't be embarrassed. There's nothing embarrassing about your body, I promise!" 

"You weren't supposed to see...you know," he gestured downwards. "_it_ until I'm older and it's...grown." Oh god, he was humiliated to have even said that! He could feel tears falling down his cheeks. Just perfect, he thought miserably. 

Noa kissed him gently, to show him he didn't think any differently of Mokuba. For a moment, they stood there, kissing softly. At some point, Mokuba's arms wrapped around Noa's waist, bringing their bodies closer together. 

Suddenly, he pulled back. "Noa..." he began in a hesitant tone. Noa could hear the repressed giggles in Mokuba's voice. "What's that pressing against my stomach?" 

Noa began choking on air, which was when Seto decided to appear. "I heard screaming!" What greeted him was the sight of Noa and Mokuba pressed together. And Mokuba wasn't wearing anything. Oh. 

Five minutes later, Seto was sandwiched between the boys in the hallway, resting his back against the wall. Noa was still a deep shade of red, and Mokuba had put on some clothes.

"Just...in small words, tell me your side of the story," Seto murmured to his traumatized sibling. He found it amusing, to be honest. Well, he also found it slightly disturbing. He didn't like the thought of Noa seeing his little brother naked. His thirteen-year-old little brother! 

Mokuba sniffled softly. "I...can I just be alone with Noa?" 

Seto sat for a moment, trying to decide on whether or not he wanted them to be alone. A tiny elbow began jabbing in his side, telling him silently to hurry up and leave. "Alright, alright," he muttered, "keep your pants on!" 

A shoe hit him in the back of the head on his way down the hall, but it didn't stop his laughter.

****** 

Drums were entertaining for a while. Only until Joey realized that without Malik and Mai there, he couldn't play properly. Well, not to rag on Mai, but it more of a needing Malik's silky voice sort of thing. Mai certainly would have made it more entertaining with her killer bass solos. 

Instead, Joey was a one-man band with an audience of an empty apartment. He practiced their routine songs for a while, but all of the rhythms blended together after a whole hour of playing. The gig is tomorrow night, he told himself, and we're more than ready. 

And that was that.

Spending a Friday night alone totally and completely sucked. His dad was who knew where, and Isis and Malik were out on their Friday night dinner with a friend of the family. The lovely miss Valentine was on a date, as per usual on weekends. To Joey's ultimate irritation, his best friend was out with a wannabe gangster named Rex. 

Rex and Joey had a bad history involving ice cream and sandboxes. Eh, Joey was one to hold grudges. So was Rex, apparently. 

Enough thinking about that waste of human life. Joey had absolutely nothing to do. When he actually took the time to think about it, maybe it wasn't so great only having a handful of friends. Okay, okay...it downright sucked. 

As he dropped his drumsticks to the floor, he wondered what Kaiba was up to. Sure, he was a prep, but maybe Joey could get some special weekend tutoring. **Anything** to get rid of the awful boredom! 

Come to think of it, he was hungry. He grabbed a wad of cash from the Tupperware container he kept under his bed and stuffed it in his pocket.

Before leaving, he grabbed a piece of paper off of the counter and stuffed that in his pocket, too.

***** 

Boring. So boring. 

"She accuses me of cheating, but I think she's having an affair with the credit card!"

"Ah, yes, my wife likes to say I'm monogamy-challenged, but she spends most of her time out shopping!" 

"Darling! I never said that!"

"My wife says my best relationship is with the stock market!" 

"I'll drink to that!"

"So, Seto, are you in a relationship right now?"

Huh? Seto sat up straighter as nearly fifty pairs of eyes turned to stare at him. He had been so obsessed with his soup; he hadn't even been listening to what the men were talking about. Most of them brought their wives, who were laughing daintily and gossiping amongst themselves. Their jewelry was nearly blinding, and Seto was even more distracted. He had no idea what he was supposed to say.

So he used the answer that worked with any question. "Nothing solid." 

There was another round of hearty laughter, started by his stepfather, who sat at the opposite head of the table. 

To Seto's left was Mokuba, and on his brother's left was their blue-haired neighbor. Somewhere at the table say Noa's parents. Oddly enough, they were both redheads. 

Weird. 

Across from Noa's parents sat Ryou Bakura and his father. Mr. Bakura was one of the top archeologists in the world, which was the reason he was at the dinner party. Upon arrival, Ryou and Seto had chatted idly, and afterwards, politely ignored one another.

"That's my boy," his stepfather said. "Balancing out business and pleasure." 

Yeah, Seto thought bitterly, your boy. Whatever. 

Mokuba was snickering into his spoon of greenish soup.

And were those men ever going to stop laughing and actually eat?

For a moment, he thought of pulling a Billy Madison and slurping his soup. Then he realized he had self-control, and wasn't about to make a fool of himself just to make a fool of the bastard across the table from him. Damn his sense of pride. 

As the chef sent out the third course, a light salad, Seto went back to what he had been doing all night; thinking of Wheeler. The blond hadn't been mouthing off at their lessons, surprisingly. Most of the time was spent actually teaching Joey, which Joey had finally seemed to accept. 

It was kind of...nice, too. Spending time with the mutt was fun, in a way. Too bad they were required to spend time together. It wasn't like they would give each other the time of day otherwise. 

Well, Seto thought fondly, Joey would probably steal his watch when Seto wouldn't offer the time. 

"Big brother?" Mokuba spoke in a normal tone, meaning the other guests were involved with each other. 

"Hmm..." he slammed his fork into the lettuce and brought it to his mouth. 

"What's so funny?" Noa asked. "You're smiling, and—"

"And you hate salad!" Mokuba finished. 

Oh, how cute. They finished each other's sentences. "I am not smiling."

Mokuba frowned and protested around his mouthful of lettuce, "You are foo!" 

"I am foo? What the hell does that mean?" 

Sapphire eyes rolled. "You know what I mean, big brother!" 

Noa nodded fervently. "Yeah, so tell us what's got you looking all happy?" 

"Is it Joey?" 

Seto coughed. "What? No! Why would I be thinking of him?"

"Duh, Seto, because you like him!" 

In a very childish manner, Seto cried, "Do not!"

Noa and Mokuba looked at one another and in unison said, "He likes him!" 

That was preposterous! Seto wouldn't like someone like Joey. Maybe he could consider him as a friend, but not as a boyfriend! "I do not!" 

Mokuba tsk-ed. "It's okay, Seto, he likes you too." 

"He does?" 

Noa beamed. "So you do like him!" 

Well, that was awful tricky. First a shoe to the head, then an unwilling confession. "That's not the important issue," he said calmly, "just why would you think the mutt likes me?"

"The way he looks at you," Noa answered, at the same time Mokuba gushed, "The way he smiles at you!" 

That made no sense. "That makes no sense. You two have only met him once, and the first time was as a punishment to Wheeler. He didn't smile at me once!" 

"It was definitely the second time. When you dropped him off, he watched you drive away."

"And he had a, um," Noa looked over at Mokuba.

"Wistful?" Mokuba supplied.

"Yes! Wistful! He had a wistful look on his face." 

"Ah. And I missed this because I was driving?"

Mokuba leveled a look at his older brother. "Come on, you had to notice." At Seto's blank stare, Mokuba turned to Noa, who shrugged helplessly. Mokuba huffed. "He smiled the whole time he talked. Like you, I don't think he noticed he was even doing it. I promise he likes you." 

"Mokuba, I think I'd know if he—"

"Excuse me, Mr. Seto." 

Seto looked up, startled. The butler stood in the doorway, looking completely indifferent about interrupting their dinner. Well, he was paid to be indifferent. At least, Seto was sure that was what he was paid for. The man didn't do much else. 

A silence had fallen over the table, as Seto address the butler. 

"Yes?" 

"There is a caller at the door for you." 

The man turned and left, leaving Seto scowling in confusion. Who would be visiting him at, he glanced at his watch, seven p.m.?  

The guests were all staring at him again, waiting to see what he was going to do. He quickly took his leave, excusing himself quietly. Right outside the doorway, the butler stood. The man led him to the front door, as if Seto didn't know the way. He dismissed the man halfway to the foyer, telling him to go shine all of his stepfather's shoes. Hey, it was something to do. 

Seto was caught between relief and a heart attack when he saw Joey Wheeler standing on the doorstep. It appeared the other boy had given an honest attempt at timing his wild golden hair, although it still hung waywardly in front of his eyes. And...was he wearing eyeliner? Seto decided to ignore that.  

Joey had changed sometime after school, now wearing a tight black t-shirt with a red tie around his neck and a pair of tight pants. As usual, he finished off the outfit with a studded belt. It was sexy and cute and horribly punk rock. Mainly sexy, though. 

A pink tongue slivered out to wet Joey's lips. Yeah, definitely sexy. 

"Hi." 

"Hello." 

An awkward silence fell over them. Seto stepped to the side and waved his hand in a welcoming motion. Joey fidgeted a moment, but didn't move forward. 

Seto cleared his throat. "I suppose I should ask what you're doing here?" 

"Yeah, I suppose you should," Joey teased. It was comfortable, he realized, flirting with Kaiba. It was like they weren't on different ends of the social food chain at school. Joey shifted, his arms hidden behind his back, but still not moving forward. Hopefully, Seto would take the hint.

Joey was hiding something behind his back, Seto realized. "So, what are you doing here?" He gazed pointedly at Joey's arms.

Two steaming boxes of pizza appeared suddenly. Seto hoped he wasn't drooling.

"You order a pizza?" Joey grinned, before he noticed Seto's tuxedo. His lips dropped slightly into a pout. "Uh, what's with the tux?" 

The brunette grabbed the box greedily. Pizza beat Duck Confit any day. "Oh, I just like to remind myself how rich I am sometimes," he quipped. "Actually, we are in the middle of an important business dinner party." 

Joey had finally followed him into the house, and he led them forward. 

He heard Joey stop behind him. "Uh...damn. I guess I shouldn't have come." 

"No!" Seto said it so quickly he put a hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Regaining his composition, he said, "I'm glad you came. Wait right here. Oh. Hold the pizza, too. I'll go get Mokuba and Noa." 

Halfway to the dining room, Seto stopped. "You know, Noa threw a shoe at me today. I think they deserve to go through that hell." 

Joey laughed. "A shoe, huh? What did you do to deserve that?" 

"Pizza first. Story later." 

"Okay. Uh, where are we gonna eat?"

Seto pointed to the stairs. "Hang on, I'll go get us some drinks. Any preferences?" Just because he was shocked didn't mean he wasn't a good host.

"Coke, I guess."

They went upstairs to the art studio ("Shit, man, you know there are three floors, right?" "Yes, I can count."), where no one could catch the scent of pizza. 

The whole third floor smelt like turpentine and acrylic paints. 

"Wow. Mokuba did these?" 

Joey marveled at the paintings covering the wall. He busted out laughing when he saw the muscled body similar to one of Michelangelo's (hey, he knew some stuff) topped with Seto's head. 

Joey nodded his head to the painting. "Wow, is that what you're hiding under all those expensive clothes?" 

"I'm surprised you've taken the time to wonder what my naked body looks like," Seto stated dryly. 

"Yeah," Joey said sarcastically, "You sound _really_ surprised." 

Seto looked at the painting critically. "Well, I am surprised you brought pizza. Shall we eat it?"

In a snobbish voice, Joey replied, "I believe we shall."

On the canvas-covered floor, they set the first box between them. The second was set aside. It probably wouldn't take long to get to the second, as Joey inhaled his first piece of pizza. 

"Tho," his muffled voice came from around the pizza, "tell me about the fwew." 

Seto tapped his chin. "The fwew. Hmm. I don't remember the fwew incident. Perhaps the shoe incident will suffice?" 

As far as Seto could see, talking with a full mouth was a bad habit. His habit of mocking people who did just that was a good habit. To his delight—which he hid well—Joey just laughed and nodded. 

Seto proceeded to tell the story. 

"...So then Mokuba sees him and drops the towel." 

In between his fits of laughter, Joey managed to ask, "And the shoe?" 

Seto took a bite of his pepperoni pizza. "He was in a hurry to get me away, so I told him to keep his pants on." He smiled at Joey's laughter. "I guess deep down I do have a sense of humor." 

"Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you never let it show." 

"Oh, I like to stay spontaneous."

Joey grinned. "You know, I guess you're sarcasm goes to show you have a sense of humor. Just a really dry one." 

"What can I say? You bring out my sarcastic side." 

"Good to know."

Joey, without even taking a breath first, inhaled three slices of pizza on the spot. Soon, they had moved onto the second box. 

"So, what gave you the idea to have a pizza party at my house?" 

Joey licked some stray sauce off of his fingers. His eyes met Seto's, and he began licking slower. When Seto's lips parted, he answered with a smug grin, "Well, I was really just going to wallow in self-pity with some pizzas, but when I walked out of the pizza place, I saw your castle looming ahead in the distance." 

If, two weeks before, someone had told him he would be eating alone with Seto Kaiba, he would have shoved a spike bracelet up his or her ass. Or...he would have threatened to shove something up there...he didn't have the stomach to actually do that. 

Still, he was actually enjoying himself with Kaiba. If he looked past the fact that Seto was rich and wearing a tuxedo, and they were on the third floor of a mansion, Seto was sort of a regular guy. 

And he wasn't so much of an asshole. To Joey, at least. He was still an asshole to most people. One day, though, Seto had actually suggested Serenity join them for a tutoring session. That was the day Joey realized that buried inside the iceman himself was a person trying to get out. 

At the moment, Seto was staring at him like there was something all over his face. "What, I got something on my face?" 

Seto didn't move his eyes from the tiny smudge of sauce by Joey's lips. He nodded. The blond pulled a hand across his mouth, somehow missing the spot completely. "I get it?" 

"No," Seto said softly. Was it just his imagination, or was Joey leaning forward? 

"Get it off for me?" Joey felt his eyes closing against his will as he brought his face closer to Seto's. 

Warm breath fanned over Seto's lips, and he leaned forward as well. Their lips were an inch apart...

"Seto, where have you...oh. Oh!" 

Their bodies jerked away from one another. Joey's face turned a pleasant shade of red at Mokuba's laughter. "Oh, that's just rich!" 

"Yeah, it is, huh?" Joey asked quietly. In a much louder voice, he said, "Well, I'd best be off. You sir, have a dinner party to attend." He tapped Seto's nose.

Joey was on his feet and ready to bolt, but Seto was on his faster. Before the blond could bolt, he grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into a searing kiss. Joey's mouth opened automatically against his, groaning as their tongues met. Seto led Joey's tongue into his mouth, massaging it gently. Joey had no problem familiarizing himself with the inside of Kaiba's mouth, and he made sure Kaiba knew it by sucking on Kaiba's bottom lip. 

From the doorway, Mokuba whistled. "That looks like one hell of a kiss! Kind of complicated too." 

Joey pulled away, breathing harshly. He pushed his forehead against Seto's, and looked into his sapphire eyes. There was something there, but it wasn't like Joey could read eye-language. Soft pants were coming from Seto as well. 

After a moment, Seto finally murmured, "So, I'll see you Monday." 

"No..." Joey knew he was whining, but he didn't really care. He pulled a wrinkled piece of paper out of his pocket. "The real reason I came," he whispered. "Be there." 

He boldly dropped one more kiss on Seto's lips before bolting out of the room. Seto stared at the spot where he had been in a daze.

Mokuba leered. Well, leered as well as any teenager could leer. "So, what'd he give you, an invitation to a dance under the sheets?" 

"Oh, come now Mokuba," Seto scolded, "**We** haven't even seen each other naked." 

"S-shut-up! It's time for dessert. I just came to tell you." When he spotted the pizza's, in a scandalized voice he cried, "You had pizza, and you didn't tell me and Noa!" He glared. "Traitor." 

"Says the boy who's boyfriend threw a shoe at my head." 

Mokuba gave up glaring and let curiosity take over. "So what did he really give you?"

Seto didn't say anything. When Mokuba peered at the paper, his eyes widened in shock. 

TIN CAN PRESENTS: **BLONDS ARE BETTER **THIS SATURDAY NIGHT FROM 10-MIDNIGHT. 

Below the words was a picture of the band mentioned; the drummer was the first person Seto noticed. Joey was captured mid-swing, his lips fixed in a huge grin. The picture was in black and white, but it was still obvious the three people in the picture were blonds. On bass was Mai Valentine, a girl Seto recognized from science class, and Malik Ishtar with his mouth pressed against the microphone and a guitar in his hands. 

Mokuba squealed excitedly. "Wow, are you going to go?" 

Seto folded the paper neatly and stuck it in his breast pocket before fixing his suit. He turned stiffly, his dinner party face on. "Don't be stupid, Mokuba." Gently, Seto ruffled his brother's hair. "Of course I'm going." 

***** 

Joey leaned against his apartment door, breathing harshly. Like the first time, he had run all the way home, but this time he hadn't wanted to leave. Back to being all alone, Joey committed himself to finding an outfit for the gig at the tin can. 

The Tin Can was the local club for any sexuality and any age, and sold alcohol to anyone with a real ID. It was one of those anything goes clubs, obviously. The bartender, Keith, had an eye for fake ID's and got insulted every time someone tried to use one. Unless, of course, it was his little nineteen-year-old Goth boyfriend who called himself Bonz. It was a pretty good name, since the kid looked like a walking skeleton.

Which was so unfair. Joey had partied at the Tin Can plenty of times, but never played there. As far as he was concerned, it was an honor. Not many bands got fliers, especially all for themselves. 

To say Joey was proud that Blonds are Better got their own flier was a massive understatement. 

He touched his lips, which were still tingling. Tomorrow night, Seto was going to see Joey being good at something. And maybe after the show, he'd get another kiss. Yeah, that would be cool.

He still had to find something to wear, though. 

***** 

Well, they kissed. Is everyone happy? Because THEY KISSED!

I'm happy, in case anyone is wondering. It feels so good to finally have them kiss. I hope they liked it, too. 

Oh man, if I said Keith was the janitor in one of the earlier chapters, let it be a different Keith. He and Bonz just kind of go together, methinks. I promised myself I wouldn't go with all-guy couples, but I just can't help it. 

**Jasper-Sable**: I will try to get Mai and Isis together next chapter. 

I'M GOING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO BE THE LAST! RAWR! 

It's going to be an all-out club-fest with Malik singing up the room. Oh, and Joey might help Yugi out of a jam, so they could become friends...or something. *Shrug* 

Leave me some love, and I'll write you some love. Fair is fair, after all. 


	8. Punk Rock Princess

Ciao, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Noa/Mokuba, teensy bit of Mai/Isis 

**Rating:** R, eventually

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** I sincerely hope this is the last chapter. Not that I don't enjoy writing it, because I do. It's just so...lacking. Damn. I'm looking to get Mai and Isis together in this chapter, but nothing graphic, just maybe planning a date or something like that. Noa and Mokuba will make no appearance in this chapter, and Ryou's place might be small. I just don't want anyone to be disappointed. Joey and Kaiba get nice and heated in the back alley of the club after the music dies down, so... 

**Dedication**: Christina, this one goes to you, baby. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Oh, and I hope you like the song I picked. 

_::Maybe when the room is empty, maybe when the bottles full,_

_maybe when the door get broke down love can break in._

_Maybe when I'm done with thinking, maybe you can think me whole,_

_Maybe when I'm done with endings this can begin._

_If you could be my punk rock princess I would be your garage band king._

_You could tell me why you just don't fit and how you're gonna be _

_Something._

_Maybe when your hair gets dark, maybe when your eyes get wide, _

_Maybe when the walls are smaller there will be more space._

_Maybe when I'm not so tired, maybe you could step inside_

_Maybe when I look for things that I can't replace._

_If you could be my punk rock princess I would be your garage band king._

_You could tell me why you just don't fit and how you're gonna be _

_Something._

_If I could be your first real heartache I would do it over again._

_If you could be my punk rock princess, I would be your Heroine. _

_I never thought you'd last, I never dreamed you would._

_You watch your life go past, you wonder if you should._

_If you could be my punk rock princess I would be your garage band king._

_You could tell me why you just don't fit and how you're gonna be _

_Something._

_If I could be your first real heartache I would do it over again._

_If you could be my punk rock princess, I would be your Heroine._

_Whoa ohhhh, you know, you only burn my bridges,_

_Whoa ohhhh, you know, you just can't let it sink in,_

_You could be my Heroine,_

_You could be my Heaven.::_

--Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate

Chapter Eight:

*****Punk Rock Princess*****

Almost two hundred fliers had been stapled around Manhattan. If Joey hadn't been suffering from arthritis before, he definitely was by the time he got to the edge of the city. In his experience, it was best to put out fliers the day of the show, so people wouldn't forget and storeowners wouldn't rip them down. 

To be honest, Joey just had to work off the energy banging on his drums couldn't get rid of. Malik had rushed up to his apartment that morning to collect Joey's drum set to take it down to the Tin Can. 

The Egyptian had nearly fainted when Joey told him about the kiss. Like a bucket of cold water, though, the words "Kaiba's gonna be there tonight" brought Malik right back to life. 

Okay, so to be completely honest, Joey was just trying to avoid Malik's wrath. He didn't even know what Malik was so upset about; he bolted before the other boy had the chance to tell him. 

As far as Joey was concerned, he won _that_ little argument. 

He stuck another hot pink flier onto a telephone poll, regardless of the other fliers already there. He pulled the stapler out of his pocket—he worn baggy pants just for the occasion—and slammed it onto the wooden post. 

He was about to do the next when he heard a noise. Not just any noise, a really, really familiar noise. Someone was getting mugged. Joey had no intentions of helping, since no one had ever helped him. Greedy, but fair. He peeked down the alley and froze. 

Owlish purple eyes were widened in fear, and multi-colored hair flailed wildly. Pinned to the wall by two lanky, loud gangsters was none other than Yugi Mouto. What they lacked in size, they made up for with enthusiasm. 

None of them had spotted Joey yet. 

It wasn't like he wanted to help. Quite the opposite. But those damn purple eyes were so entrancing, even when they weren't fixed on him. 

Joey sighed. He really hoped he wouldn't regret what he was about to do. "Hey, punks!" When he saw he had their attention, he yelled, "Leave the midget alone! He's mine!" 

One of the boys snarled at him, and flashed a knife. "Oh? I didn't see your name on him." 

His lips pulled back into a smirk. "Yeah, well, I don't think I introduced myself." To the other boy's confusion, he stuck out his hand politely. "My name is Joey, and this is my stapler."

He slammed the metal object into the boy's greasy head. The kid slumped down, gripping his head and wailing pitifully. His companion looked at Joey like he was a psychopath. "The fuck, man?" He hoisted his friend off of the ground and pulled them away, walking carefully around Joey. 

"Keep the pipsqueak! He ain't got any cash anyway!" 

Joey grinned, and brushed imaginary dirt off of his shirt. "Well, that took care of that—WAH!" 

A tiny little uniform clad body was attached to his leg. "AHHHH!" 

He thought about hitting whatever the thing was with his stapler, until the train of "Thank-you's" reached his ears. Then those big purple owl-eyes were on him. Oh, weird. 

"Err, Yugi, what a pleasant surprise." He jiggled his leg slightly, but the boy didn't budge, "on my **leg**." 

"I was so afraid!" 

When the smallish boy took the time to detach himself from Joey's leg, Joey realized the boy wasn't quite as small as he'd thought. His spiky head nearly reached Joey's chest, which really got Joey wondering just how Yugi had managed to fit on his leg. 

Oh, well. He shrugged, and grinned modestly down at the preppy boy. "Eh, no problem. You just gotta stand up for yourself once in a while."

"It's kind of hard, considering how small I am," Yugi huffed. He looked up at Joey and smiled. Unlike his grandfather, Yugi was actually cute. Not cute in a dating sort of way, just cute in an 'I-want-hug-you' kind of way. Damn. Joey could feel his tough guy act crumbling.

"Nah, I've seen smaller. What you need is something like a Chihuahua to get your self-esteem up." When Yugi blinked those eyes in confusion, Joey added, "You know, something nice and small, but fear-invoking." 

Yugi made a hmm-ing noise in the back of his neck. "A Chihuahua as opposed to...?" 

"A miniature poodle." 

"I think poodles are kind of cute." 

"They're the international sign for sissiness."  

Yugi smiled cutely. "Oh. I didn't know that." He looked at his watch and squealed. "Oh no, Tea's waiting at the arcade!" 

The small body darted past Joey, only stopping at the entrance of the alley to cry, "Thanks again, Joey!" 

Joey waved. Damn that boy and his cuteness! Joey went back to stapling fliers around, trying to ignore the feeling in his stomach. That weird feeling something like pride knowing he had done something nice. 

Even if it was for a miniature prep who could have just paid the bullies away. 

Oh, well. 

*******

"What are you so smiley about?" 

Joey jumped. He hadn't heard anyone walk in. His eyes came into focus, only to find Malik standing a few feet away from him. "Uh...I saved someone's life." 

Malik stared at him blankly. "Man...I thought we agreed no more drugs? They ruin your brain." He tapped Joey's head to emphasize his point. 

"Stop that!" He slapped the tanned fingers away from his face. "I hate it when you poke." 

"But I like poking," Malik whined pitifully. 

They were alone in Joey's apartment, in the blonde's room. Malik had cleaned after Joey left, which got rid of any anger towards Joey. Honestly! The other boy had to go and invite Kaiba to their show! It was so...Well, Malik couldn't think of why it made him so mad...but when he thought of a reason, he was sure it would be a good one! 

The Egyptian boy draped himself on Joey's lap, grinning when the other boy groaned. "Shit, man, you eat too many tofu-burgers. You're heavy!" 

A gold-clad wrist collided with Joey's cheek. "AM NOT!" Malik trailed a finger down his belly. "Look at this fatless skin...mm. I'm hot." 

Joey snorted. "Fucking narcissist!" 

Shocked lilac eyes stared up at Joey. "Where in the hell did you learn a big word like that?" 

"Seto taught me," Joey stated matter-of-factly. "I swear, I've learned more from him than my entire time at school." 

Pfft. "Yeah," Malik muttered, "I'd learn well too if I were sleeping with the teacher. OW!" He rubbed his head and scowled up at Joey from his spot on the floor. "I was only kidding!" 

"Oh I know. I was just practicing pushing you off in case you weren't." 

Malik glared. "I hate you." 

"I love you too." 

Joey laughed. He was glad Malik had come by, especially since he wasn't screaming anymore. His room looked so empty without his drums around, and he took the time to realize how much he had been ignoring them since his tutoring began. They'd have to talk about that.

Which brought him to his real crisis; he wasn't even sure if Kaiba was going to show up. Insecurity was eating away at him. What if Seto was just going to sit around in his mansion all night? After all, why would he waste time going to see some poor kid play at what some considered a trashy club? Seto could afford better than Joey. And that didn't seem fair. 

"Hey there, brown-eyes, what's with the waterworks?" 

"I'm not crying!" 

"Then you must be drooling out of your eyes." 

Joey knuckled the tears from his eyes roughly. He wasn't getting all mopey over Kaiba! "Okay, so maybe I was getting a little emotional." 

"Over your boyfriend?" Oh, of all the...He was going through an emotional crisis, and Malik was making fun of him. Hell, he never made fun of Malik's girly boyfriend! Some best friend he was. 

Still... "He's not my boyfriend," Joey admitted hesitantly. "As far as I know, our tongues are dating, and that's it." 

Sympathy laced Malik's features, but amusement laced his voice. "I feel like I should make some sort of tonsil hockey joke." At Joey's glare, he rushed to say, "but since I'm your bestest of best friends, I'll help you."

"And how are you going to do that?" Malik turned innocent lavender eyes to Joey. Joey sighed. "I hate that look." 

Malik smiled cutely. "I know. Okay, hang on while I go get some paper and a pencil." He ran out of the room, returning seconds later with a pen and an old piece of paper. Joey recognized it as one of his old C- tests he'd hung on the fridge. "Okay! Now, I want you to write down ten good things about Kaiba. Take your time. I'm going to take a shower." 

Joey took the paper, but frowned. "Wait? Another shower? You took one this morning, and I know because you smell like my shampoo, and there was no hot water. I should kick your ass!" 

"Yeah...You should, but you won't. To the shower I go!" 

"It's gonna be a cold one!" 

Malik laughed. "Which is why I'm going back to my apartment." He sauntered to the door, and turned back with a smug look on his face. "When I get back, I want ten good things about Kaiba." In a lower voice he said, "I can't think of a single fucking thing!" 

Joey did the only thing he could think of: he pulled of his shoe and chucked it at the blonde's head. He silently thanked Noa for the idea when Malik cried out in pain. One he heard the front door slam, Joey set to writing.

TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT SETO 

_One_. Those blue eyes. I see enough purple eyes and green eyes and brown eyes every day, but his eyes are just...they stand out. And not in a buggy way, either. 

_Two_. When other people talk to him, he doesn't listen. When I talk to him, I feel like he's actually listening, and he actually takes the time to answer me. Even though he is a smartass. It's hot on him though.

_Three_. Sex on a stick. That's my Seto. He dresses like a total prep, but everything hugs his body in just the right places. He's like a fucking model, right out of some fashion thing. Whatever preps read for fashion tips.

_Four_. He's an older brother too. Nuff 'nough said.

_Five_. He's really smart. Not rub-it-in-your-face smart, but ass-kicking smart. Like, you can be trying to think of something, and he'll know. He's got a fucking encyclopedia ironed inside of his brain. 

_Six_. He's got a sense of humor. Not a once in a blue moon sense of humor, either. A really dry, sarcastic sense of humor. It helps that he's so fucking smart. It makes it that much funnier. 

_Seven_. He doesn't make fun of my poorness...uh, is that a word? I'll have to ask him. Still, he doesn't talk about being rich. Usually I make up the jokes about shit like that. I guess that makes him considerate...or uninterested. 

_Eight_. There this thing he does when he reads out loud. He licks his lips like every other word, and his voice it's all...well, I don't think I'd like him as much if his voice didn't change yet. Completely hot. Like the rest of him. 

_Nine_. Most people make the unemotional thing annoying, but its hot as hell on him. 

_Ten_. He's so sweet…YEAH RIGHT! SETO KAIBA IS THE BEST KISSER IN THE WORLD! He does this thing with his tongue, and its like...wow. Yeah. Okay.

Hmm. Joey tapped the pen on his chin. That seemed right. Embarrassingly enough, he couldn't really think of so many things. His list was perfectly good enough, though! The whole point of he and Kaiba kissing was to get to know each other better. 

Now there was incentive so strive to get to know each other better. 

Oh, he couldn't wait for Malik to read it. 

"Hey Blondie!" 

Just in time, Joey thought giddily. And as the footsteps led back to his room, he began to think. And suddenly, he didn't want Malik to see his list, to know what he'd written. What would the other boy knowing about his feelings do to help Joey? Nothing he could think of. 

Before Malik could see the action, Joey balled up the paper and shoved it into his jacket pocket. He shifted, trying to hide the big lump, and when he was happy enough with it, he smiled innocently. 

Malik sauntered into the room, dressed in a tight black tank top that said "Drama Queen" in neon pink letters, and skintight leather pants. Kohl lined his eyes, and his hair was poofy and straight from underneath the hair dryer. A good 60% of his bronzed skin was covered in gold jewelry.  Surprise, surprise. "Hey lover boy, you finish that list?" 

"Nah, I trashed it. Couldn't think of anything." 

"Bummer. I really wanted to read it. Oh well." He glanced at his watch, a gold Timex that dangled amongst the rest of his jewelry. "Let's go do some test songs. Oh, and change first, will you?" 

Joey looked down at his outfit. "What's wrong with it?" 

"No sexy drummer from Blonde's are Better is dressing like that!" 

"Yeah? Where you gonna get another drummer in three hours?" 

"I happen to know several prostitutes who want to be drummers." 

Joey pouted. "Like hell you do." 

A bit of confidence left Malik's face. "Sure I do!" 

"Pfft. Little Egyptian liar!" 

Malik huffed. "But I'm pretty!" he called weakly as Joey brushed past him. 

***** 

Mai cursed as she ran up the stairs of the apartment building. Heels were not made for stairs, she realized belatedly. It didn't much matter, though, she almost on the second floor anyway. 

The way to Malik's apartment was etched into her memory. Third door on the left, the one with the gold numbers replaced with silly cardboard cutouts. Malik had a thing for gold, it seemed. And once he'd polished the scratched letters into blindability, he'd hung them in his room. 

"Fucking weirdo," Mai muttered fondly. 

She'd do some serious ass kicking if they'd left for the club without her, though. Damn boys, thinking it was alright to just leave her behind. They did it every time, after all. 

A few bangs to the door rewarded Mai with the sound of footsteps. It wasn't Malik behind the door, though. 

"Hey, Isis..." Had she been more prepared, she could have whipped out a pick-up line. Damn. 

The older woman didn't really notice the lacking greeting. She enveloped Mai in a warm hug, laughing when Mai let out a pretended to suffocate. "Mai! How are you?"

Mai's response was drowned out by Isis' stern, "And tell the truth." 

Mai tried not to act too disappointed when Isis let go. "I'm...a lot better."

"I hope so," Isis said skeptically. 

"What's with all the drama filling up the room? Get me some water or something. Be a good hostess." 

Isis snorted. "Yes, your highness." 

"Hey, I like that." 

"Surprise, surprise. Hey, we've got coke, beer, and orange juice." 

"Beer." 

There was a momentary clutter in the kitchen, and Isis returned with a glass of orange juice and a bottle of beer. She handed Mai the orange juice. 

"Thanks a lot," she muttered. 

"You're very welcome." Isis uncapped her beer and took a sip. "So, I'm taking you to the Tin Can tonight." 

"Uh, was that a question?" 

"It was a question in the form of a statement." 

Mai paused, then said, "How very Egyptian." 

"I do what I can."  

There was a slight pause, in which Mai took the time to actually realize what Isis had told her. Needless to say, she wasn't pleased. "God damned bastards!" She set her orange juice on the table to make her dramatic hand motions easier. "Always leaving me behind! I bet they're ashamed of me." In a sarcastic voice, she added, "Bassists aren't as important as the rest of the band." 

Isis smiled softly. "Actually, I told them to go on ahead. I wanted us to go together." 

"Oh...you're sure they didn't bug you into taking me?" 

"Nope. All my idea. One of my best ever." 

Mai blinked a few times. Isis looked normal, but she could have had any number of beers before Mai showed up! "Are you flirting with me?" 

Blue eyes widened for a minute, before a wide grin broke out on Isis' lips. "Is the pope Catholic?" 

Mai stood for a moment, in a daze, before she busted out laughing. 

***** 

"Is he out there?" 

Malik pulled his head back from around the curtain, lavender eyes glaring. "He wasn't there twenty seconds ago when you asked!" 

"Oh." Joey checked his watch—for the fourth time in five minutes—and pouted. "He's not coming." 

With an exasperated sigh, Malik replied, "Joey, it's only nine. You told him ten. Why should he even be here?" 

Childishly, Joey explained. "Well, he's my almost boyfriend, and he should be all stalkerish and show up uber-early just to show me how obsessed with me he is." 

"What are you, twelve?"  

Joey grinned. "It's the alcohol." And it was. Already, he'd convinced Keith to slip him a few beers. He wasn't drunk, though. Just buzzing, and happily so. It gave him the energy he needed to play the drums almost nonstop for two hours. He'd never been a gig so long. At least, not sober. 

"What say at eleven, we get completely shitfaced and pulled a backwards gig?" Malik could feel himself imitating Joey's grin. What? He was allowed to have a few beers too! Sometimes it took a little persuasion to get Keith to be giving. 

And when Malik and persuasion were in the same room, it was all about sex appeal. Just because Bonz shared the bed didn't mean Keith was blind. 

Malik was gorgeous and he knew it. "So, is that dopey smile a yes?" 

Joey kicked him. "Damn straight. Backwards gig and beer." 

Backwards gigs were Joey's favorite. Mai, Joey, and Malik would get as drunk as possible, then switch off instruments. Mai on drums, Malik on bass, and Joey at the mic. 

When they were drunk, it didn't seem to matter that Joey sang like a dog in heat. 

"Hope your sugar-daddy shows up!" Malik said glibly. He yelped a boot-clad foot connected with his leg once more. "I wish you'd stop that." 

Joey snorted. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and his liter, and lit up. He inhaled deeply before asking the whereabouts of Mai. "You think her and Isis have gotten it on yet?" 

"Oh, gross!" 

Joey began laughing, only to stop short when he heard his name being called. He inhaled deeply again; he knew that voice. 

"Joey! Hey, Joey!" 

Malik looked around, startled. After a minute of perplexed glances around the backstage area, he finally found the owner of the voice. 

And promptly began choking on his beer. A small, Koala-ish boy was clinging to Joey's leg in a hug. 

"Yugi...hi," Joey laughed nervously. "What are you doing here? Not exactly your crowd..." 

Yugi's eyes darted around the stage. With a pink blush on his cheeks, he shrugged bashfully. "I was going home when I saw one of your fliers." He held up a crumpled piece of paper. "It took me a minute to recognize you, but when I did, I was so surprised."

Joey smiled. For some reason, the kid's cuteness just got to him. "Which leaves me wondering why you're here." 

The small boy offered a giant smile. "I wanted to thank you. So, I brought you a present." 

"What kind of present?" Joey asked suspiciously. 

"Look out at the bar." 

Warily, Joey reached for the curtain and pulled it back. When he looked back to the bar, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Sitting primly and chatting was Tea Gardner. Nothing special about her, except the brunette sitting beside her. 

Serenity looked up with a sweet smile. Spotting Joey, she yelled, "Hi, big brother!" 

A few of the drinkers laughed. Joey flicked them off and ran offstage and into the arms of his little sister. "What are you doing here? Mom will kill you if she finds out." 

Serenity blushed. "Well, I'm spending the night with Tea. Her parents think we're at Yugi's, so we're here. It was Yugi's idea." 

"Oh, so he's turning my baby sister into a bad girl," he growled playfully. 

"Joey, stop," Serenity whined, still blushing. "This is the only time! I've never gotten to see you play, but I've heard how good you are."

It was Joey's turn to blush. "Who told you that?" 

"Well you did, for one." At Joey's embarrassed cough, she said, "Oh, and Duke Devlin." 

"Someone called for me," a new voice interrupted smoothly. 

It wasn't fair to say Joey hated Duke, but it was fair to say he wanted to hate Duke. The annoyingly beautiful young man was always so perfect, and rivaled Seto when it came to money. 

Not looks, though, Joey thought smugly. Seto was way hotter than Duke could ever hope to be. With that in mind, Joey turned to the dark-haired boy. 

As usual, he was dressed impeccably. "Wheeler. Hello." A neatly manicured hand reached out to shake Joey's. There was an awkward silence for a moment. 

"Are you here with Serenity?" 

Duke flinched. He didn't want to feel the wrath of Joey! "Yeah. Just as friends, though."

Joey frowned skeptically, but suddenly brightened up. "Shit, I'm so glad you're here, sis!" He sucked on his cigarette for a minute. "I meant to say shoot. Don't wanna hear shit like that coming from your mouth."

Serenity began giggling, followed by Tea. Yugi was laughing as well. Joey was weirded out to see that even Duke was smirking. Between giggles, Serenity asked, "Are you drunk?" 

For some reason, the thought that his little sister thought he was drunk relieved him. As long as he didn't have something on his face. "No." 

"Okay!" 

Joey was about to retort when Tea gasped. "Oh my gawd! What is Seto Kaiba doing here?" 

So busy trying to find Seto in the crowd, Joey didn't notice Serenity elbowing Tea lightly. "They hate each other," she whispered. 

The whole room fell away as blue eyes met brown. Somewhere, Joey could hear Malik calling his name. Probably to tell Joey that Seto had arrived. If Joey weren't so caught up in staring at Seto, he would have rolled his eyes. 

"Hi," Joey said softly. 

"You seem surprised to see me," Seto leaned in to say. He felt rather then saw Joey's blush as he pressed his lips to the blonde's ear. "I'm a bit surprised as well." 

With a huff, Joey turned away. He was embarrassed to notice that he was getting open-mouthed, wide-eyed stares. Oh well, he thought. No time like the present. 

"So," he said loudly over his shoulder, "you weren't going to come?" 

"Not a doubt in my mind. I'm simply surprised I wore this outfit." 

"Me too. Black isn't your color," Joey teased. To Serenity, "Hey sis looks like Mai just got in. Time to start." He pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

After a heated glance at Kaiba, Joey rushed back to the stage. In all of his tipsy haste, he didn't notice the piece of paper that had fallen out of his pocket. 

***** 

Okay, okay, ONE MORE CHAPTER

So I'm a bitch, what's new? 

I hope this is enough to leave everyone content for a while. Sorry for the lack of update. I'm really bad with stuff like that. Sure, the first 7 chapter I do one every night, then I start lacking. Speaking of lacking, this story lacks conflict, which sort of upsets me. I'm sad to say I've got total long-term ADHD. Fuck a duck, as I like to say. Life's a bitch, and I'm bad at updating. I'm confusing myself horribly with this whole speech thing. So, uh...

Puppets are scary things. No, seriously. Now review. 


	9. Walk Like an Egyptian

Ciao, Duckies! 

**Title:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba.  Minor: Malik/Ryou, Noa/Mokuba  

**Rating:** R

**Summary:** Joey is a punk with sticky fingers and a horrible report card. Seto Kaiba is the smartest kid in school, and the biggest prep. Once Joey is arrested one time too many, Kaiba is assigned to be his tutor. If Joey can't get his grades up, it's off the state juvenile penitentiary. 

**Dedication**: To everyone who took the time to read and review this, and especially to Christina for helping me so much with it. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Seriously. 

**Author's Notes:** Okay, this seriously is the last chapter. No, really. It will be short, too. I'm just so glad it's over. Okay, this last song is one that just seemed so perfect, you know? After this, I think I'm going to go write a song-fic ONE-SHOT because one-shots are best in my book. Okay, enjoy. 

- _All the old paintings on the tombs__They do the sand dance don't you know__If they move too quick (oh whey oh)__They're falling down like a domino__All the bazaar men by the Nile__They got the money on a bet__Gold crocodiles (oh whey oh)__They snap their teeth on your cigarette__Foreign types with the hookah pipes say__Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh__Walk like an Egyptian__The blonde waitresses take their trays__They spin around and they cross the floor__They've got the moves (oh whey oh)__You drop your drink then they bring you more__All the school kids so sick of books__They like the punk and the metal band__When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh)__They're walking like an Egyptian__All the kids in the marketplace say__Slide your feet up the street bend your back__Shift your arm then pull it back__Life's hard you know (oh whey oh)__So strike a pose on a Cadillac__If you want to find all the cops__They're hanging out in the donut shop__They sing and dance (oh whey oh)__Spin the clubs cruise down the block__All the Japanese with their yen__The party boys call the Kremlin__And the Chinese know (oh whey oh)__They walk the line like Egyptian__All the cops in the donut shop say__Walk like an Egyptian_-                         -Walk like and Egyptian by The Bangles Chapter Nine: **Walk Like an Egyptian** Serenity's eyes could barely focus on the saltshaker two feet away from her face. It was nearly midnight, and the band had finished playing, and she was so, so tired. It seemed as though she was the only one, though. Otogi was chatting up Yugi and Tea like there was no tomorrow, and Joey was coming out of the backstage area looking all pumped and a sheen of sweat covered his face. If he weren't wearing a black shirt, Serenity would bet the wet spots would be visible. Dazedly, she watched as Joey's puppy-like eyes searched the room. She wanted to cry out 'I'm right here,' but apparently didn't need to, as he waved excitedly to someone on the other side of the room. Oh. He wasn't even looking for her. Ah. Wait. Slowly, Serenity brought a hand to her eye and tried to wipe the sleep away, and even after a few confused blinks, she realized that indeed, Joey was talking to Seto Kaiba. And Seto Kaiba was talking back. Seto pulled something out of his jeans pocket—and what tight jeans they were—and the color drained from Joey's face. Curiosity was rapidly taking over the sleepy feeling, and she tried to watch more, but a hand began rubbing her back softly. "You sleep through the show, Serenity?" Malik's silky voice was near her ear, and she offered a tired smile. "Of course not. I'm just not used to being up so..." a yawn interrupted her, "...mm, late." The Egyptian boy laughed softly, and ran his fingers through her hair. It was something her mother used to do to help her sleep, and it only served to bring on another yawn. She missed the next thing Malik said, since she had looked back to where Kaiba and Joey were. But, she realized belatedly, they weren't there anymore. They weren't anywhere in the room. Oh. Yawn. Oh, darn. "TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT SETO 

**One**. Those blue eyes. I see enough purple eyes and green eyes and brown eyes every day, but his eyes are just...they stand out. And not in a buggy way, either. 

**Two**. When other people talk to him, he doesn't listen. When I talk to him, I feel like he's actually listening, and he actually takes the time to answer me. Even though he is a smartass. It's hot on him though.

**Three**. _Sex on a stick_. That's **my** Seto. He dresses like a total prep, but everything hugs his body in just the right places. He's like a fucking model, right out of some fashion thing. Whatever preps read for fashion tips.

**Four**. He's an older brother too. Nuff 'nough said.

**Five**. He's really smart. Not rub-it-in-your-face smart, but _ass-kicking_ smart. Like, you can be trying to think of something, and he'll know. He's got a fucking encyclopedia ironed inside of his brain. 

**Six**. He's got a sense of humor. Not a once in a blue moon sense of humor, either. A really dry, sarcastic sense of humor. It helps that he's so fucking smart. It makes it that much funnier. 

**Seven**. He doesn't make fun of my **poorness**...uh, is that a word? I'll have to ask him. Still, he doesn't talk about being rich. Usually I make up the jokes about shit like that. I guess that makes him considerate...or uninterested. 

**Eight**. There this thing he does when he reads out loud. He licks his lips like every other word, and his voice it's all...well, I don't think I'd like him as much if his voice didn't change yet. _Completely hot_. Like the rest of him. 

**Nine**. Most people make the _unemotional_ thing annoying, but its hot as hell on him. 

**Ten**. He's so sweet…**YEAH RIGHT**! SETO KAIBA IS THE BEST KISSER IN THE WORLD! He does this thing with his tongue, and its like...wow. Yeah. Okay." 

Seto cleared his throat. "If this were for a grade, I would have taken off a considerable amount of points for the poor grammar and, I say this nicely, you have the most atrocious spelling I have ever seen." 

Joey stared numbly back, his mouth working, but no sound coming out. He was horrified to see a smirk form on Seto's lips, because he could feel the drool pooling in his mouth. 

"Well, Joey, what do you have to say for yourself?" 

Nervous laughter bubbled up Joey's throat. He still didn't know whether Seto was angry or not. "Uh...surprise?" 

"And what a surprise it was." 

Kaiba offered Joey a surprise at that point. He pushed Joey back up against the wall of the alley they had moved to, and smashed their lips together. Joey mewled contentedly, and wrapped his arms around Seto's neck. 

They kissed for a while, lazily, trailing their hands over one another. Finally, Seto pulled back. Joey groaned and tried to pull Seto back down, but the taller boy somehow resisted. "You know what my favorite part of this list was?" 

"No, what?" 

Magically, the piece of paper appeared once more (Because it certainly hadn't been in Kaiba's hand a moment ago, or Joey would have noticed) and he smiled softly at it. Joey wanted more of that smile. 

Man, did he ever want more of that smile! 

"The part where it says, 'Ten things I love about Seto Kaiba.'" 

No words would come out of Joey's mouth. Whether it was because he didn't understand or her understood only too well, he didn't know.

Seto didn't seem to mind, though, since his cerulean gaze was on the paper. "Because you know what? Of course you don't," he murmured fondly. "Even if there was only one thing you loved about me, there would still be the smallest amount of love there." 

In strangled voice, Joey finally said, "You're a really weird guy." 

"But you love me," the other boy retorted. 

After a moment of silence, the blond finally whispered, "Yeah, I guess I do." He then placed a hand on the back of Seto's head and pulled his boyfriend back down into a kiss. 

Malik had walked out of the back of the building, and spotted the two of them. He wasn't really surprised to see a crumpled piece of paper that looked suspiciously like a list in Seto's hand. 

For a few seconds, he dedicated himself to voyeurism, his lavender eyes trained on their joined mouths. "Oh, Christ," he muttered suddenly, quietly, "They love each other, they hate each other. So fucking confusing." And he went back inside. 

Back at the table, Serenity slept lightly, ignorant of the fond smile Malik sent her way from across the bar. Even in her sleep, she really wanted to know what Joey and Kaiba had been talking about. 

Oh, she hoped they weren't fighting again. 

-**END**- 

HAHA! Told ya it would be uber-short, didn't I? 

Anyway, this is the last chapter; I am done, done, done, done! 

Say it with me: Done. 

I do apologize for the shortness though. Mm. I am so tired; I can totally empathize with Serenity. Even though it's like 2pm, and I slept for like 15 hours last night. Talk about your beauty sleep. I felt so fucking pretty when I woke up this morning. Just kidding, of course. 

Okay. Bye. Farewell. 

Leave a review after the beep. [Beep.] 


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